


Stuck With Thee

by PeachGO3



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: 30 days of OTP challenge, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Other, Resolved Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wing Grooming, the soundtrack to this is Huey Lewis; Cher; Verka Serduchka and such like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-11-08 23:30:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 30,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachGO3/pseuds/PeachGO3
Summary: A habit is not the same as an addiction, is it? Neither the Archangel nor the Lord of the Flies want to know. – The evolution from enemies to friends to whatever Ineffable Bureaucracy is.





	1. Come Together

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve only tagged the TV fandom because this pair immerged from the TV adaptation and I’ll be using TV canon, e.g. for the way Hell and Heaven work. The chronological timeline however is book-compliant, meaning the end of the Cold War will also be the time of Armageddon’t :’)
> 
> My last GO challenge has been an absolute blast, so I thought I’d try again! Last time I managed to go through with it!! Hopefully it’s the same this time, with the help of my Bureaucracy playlist. This playlist has continuously given me little dialogue/situation prompts, so I have outlined this whole thing beforehand. Is that cheating? Idk sdhfjsk;;
> 
> Anyway! This fun pair has completely taken me aback. I hope you’ll enjoy the ride ☆

The demons were about to collar the remains of Eden. By now, the Garden was nothing but a ruin waiting for the plants to devour it, and most animals had fled, and the apple tree was growing higher and higher – but to the angels, it was still Eden. There was no way the Archangel Gabriel would let the demons pinch it just like that. (An air head, but you do need guys like him, too.)

He and his contingent arrived just in time. As their lightnings were still sparkling between the deserted ruins, the earth broke apart in flames to push their enemies to the sandy surface. Gabriel raised his chin. They still were several feet apart, but the distance was treacherous.

“Guard the walls,” he ordered in a firm voice and built himself up, even though in his imagination, those clowns couldn’t possibly be any threat to a contingent of trained angel soldiers. To him, those weren’t fallen angels, but bad smelling joke figures in restraint human bodies. Small animals accompanied them, and they were all dressed in dark and rotten clothes. If at all. This was the first time Gabriel had seen them after the Incident.

He stepped forward. “You will not set foot in this sacred Garden, menials of evil. Surrender now or prepare to be smitten by God’s wrath,” he called.

“That’s fucking typical of you to say,” one demon spat and laughed. “Are they not dangerous?” one angel asked in a quiet tone. Gabriel took another step forward. “Go back to the pit you came from,” he called, even though he did not know where they came from.

The demons outnumbered them, but they were still scared. They whispered. They were facing God’s glorious soldiers after all, and their Fall had not taken place too long ago. They were still haunted.

But an angel like Gabriel always expected a great battle. He turned to face his soldiers. “This is so sad,” he said in disappointment. With a weary expression he turned around again and called, “Who is your leader?”

“That’d be me,” a small demon in the front row called back.

“You?” Gabriel laughed.

“Fucking laugh at me again and it’s the last thing your zzorry azz has uttered, wanker.”

Cheers from her disciples followed. Gabriel narrowed his eyes and sighed. He stepped closer, stopping in the middle between them. Now he could see her better. She was a ridiculously small demon, particularly nasty, and now she was looking over her shoulder. It was Lord Beelzebub, one of Hell’s Princes, but Gabriel didn’t know that. “Yeah, go,” her demons cheered.

She stepped up to Gabriel. From her point of view, she was stepping closer and closer into a fiery blaze of stinking love. From his point of view, a bunch of ulcerous warts came closer, and with them, the insects flying around Beelzebub’s head. She exuded spite and hatred unlike anything Gabriel had ever encountered. “You look truly disgusting,” he smiled in genuine awe.

“So do you,” she snapped, already fed up with the situation. “Get lost.”

“We won’t,” Gabriel smiled. He was among the people who genuinely enjoyed talking down like this. The two had not met before the Incident, and even if they had, they would not talk any different now. They were the leaders of their fractions, they were enemies.

“You can’t bloody guard these ruinzz forever,” Beelzebub snarled with narrowed eyes.

“Well, you should watch us as we do,” Gabriel smiled and turned around. “Guard the walls until they return into their pit,” he ordered and walked away. The buzzing of those insects was terribly distracting for him, he wanted to get away from that.

Gladly, Beelzebub felt the same for the nasty angelic radiation. Relieved, she walked away too. “You can’t do this forever, wanker,” she called after him.

“Oh, I personally won’t. We have personnel for such things,” Gabriel replied, walking backwards.

“Fucking prepare,” she buzzed in a dangerous tone, “becauzze we will come for you. For all of you. And we will burn your preciouzz little Earth and humanzz to the ground!”

“Looking forward,” Gabriel sang and turned around. His contingent’s faces were less relaxed, but still proud and ethereal. He liked that. “So,” he said and clapped his hands. “I cannot stay here, obviously. We will have shifts and then you guys can arrange that among one another.”

Devout nodding.

Gabriel grinned. “Great.”

“What if they call for back-up?” one angel asked.

“Then you send us a quick prayer and we’ll send back-up as well,” Gabriel smiled. “Everything alright? Great. Guys, this is going to be good! It’s a great honor to guard the Garden. Great scenery, love it. I wish I could stay longer and just stare.”

“We will annihilate all of you! Tozzzpotzz!” Beelzebub’s angry voice called.

“Yeah, you sure will,” Gabriel mumbled. He did not know what was coming. The truth was that the demons were planning another revolution, and Beelzebub could not wait to tear her enemies apart. As of now, the angels didn’t have a clue of the Dark Master’s plan. Once His child would be born, nothing would be able to stop Beelzebub and her minions from destroying anything in their way.

“Have fun!” she heard the Archangel call, and with another lightning rattling the trees, he was gone. She made a move, too, back to Hell.

Neither of them would believe it, but this was where their story began. It started, as it will end, with a garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve tried a bit of an omniscient narrator for the first one. Thanks for popping in!


	2. Bette Davis Eyes

She would cram, cram, cram every little piece of that precious human soul into her being. She would wear it like a dress, walk in its skin and listen to its screams – Beelzebub had missed this. Possession was so much fun. Certainly more fun than anything else down there.

“Help… please…”

“No one’zz lizztening,” her demonic voice growled.

“No…!”

It was almost complete. She had devoured a lot already, now came the delicious parts, the victim’s memories and all of that. Beelzebub roared in pleasure. How exquisite!

Then, like a blinding light, stinking radiation pushed her away, away, away from the vessel. Beelzebub faltered. This nasty warmth could only mean –

“Hey, it’s you!” a happy voice called. Oh, fuck. Was that the Archangel back from the Garden? His giant body was in the alleyway. What was with the hand? Was he… waving? Her vision was stirred… “Look at you! You’re so easy to recognize,” he fluted in this, urgh, hurtful angelic voice. He was beaming. Beelzebub held her head. “What are you doing here? Get lozzzt!” she called, unable to stand up. She screamed and twisted, hundreds of flies buzzing around her.

“Begone.”

And now she felt ground beneath her feet. The human soul was gone. Beelzebub was in another alleyway, but the angel was here, too. “What wazz that?” she called.

“Thwarting your evil plans,” he shrugged, suddenly remembering what his actual job was. Beelzebub growled in anger. “You will do no evil onto this poor woman,” his angelic voice warned, although not as angelic as it ought to sound.

“I will do even more evil,” Beelzebub snarled. “Lizzten, tozzzpot, once you’re gone, this human will get pozzezzed by me and do whatever I want her bloody screaming vessel to do.”

He frowned. “That’s… evil.” Evil? Of course it was! Ere she could reply, he added, “Unlike what I was doing.”

“Yeah, fine, I don’t care. Where izz the human?”

“I won’t tell you.”

“Stop fucking this up! Where izzz it?”

He grinned his smug angel-grin. “You can ask all you want, but I won’t tell you. Even though I’m tired from _my mission_ – you won’t crack me. I’m wide awake,” he said. And Beelzebub understood. Within a millisecond, she knew which buttons she had to press. She blinked. “What was your mission, then?” she asked and almost threw up. She was talking to a bloody angel.

But it worked. “Oh, it’s my last mission on Earth, actually. I was announcing the birth of our Almighty’s child to their human mother – a glorious task, if I might add. But my last time down here. I like humans. But they just aren’t my thing, I guess. A shame, really. They have such warm and soft hands and very beautiful eyes, like jewels, have you seen them? But they’re always so scared. ‘Do not be afraid’ a thousand times and they still shudder and scream. And the flowers didn’t help either.”

Beelzebub heard all of that. She had heard it, but her head had stopped working long ago.

“Smitten by our Almighty’s glory, are we?” he grinned.

“A child to send down to Earth?” Beelzebub asked in disenchantment. Her flies buzzed sadly.

“Yes! Amazing idea, isn’t it? I love it,” he beamed. She looked up into those bright purple eyes, and it was worse than looking straight into the bloody sun. Why was he so tall? She was about to complain that the child was their idea, Hell’s idea, their super-secret mission, but wank-wings was faster: “The Annunciation was my latest promotion. I’m quite comfortable where I am right now, speaking job-wise, but who knows what’s waiting in the office, am I right? God works in mysterious ways after all.” He smiled, but it slowly faded. “Are you on duty right now?” he asked.

“No,” Beelzebub sighed. This was very bad. Very, very bad. Heaven stole His Dark Majesty’s plans, and she must be the one to tell Him, mustn’t she.

“You smell sad,” the angel frowned. “I still have some of those flowers left – I would never give them to a demon though.” He stepped back as if he remembered who he was talking to for a second time. The radiation lessened a bit, and Beelzebub breathed in.

“I will be on my way. And never come back, thankfully,” he announced. “But don’t you dare follow me.”

She shook her head.

“Okay. Last warning. Oh, and also leave that poor woman alone,” he added, “that’d be great.”

“I hate humanzz,” she buzzed.

“Yeah, but I don’t hate them,” he said as he was about to leave. “They have warm hands.”

“And beautiful eyes, yeah, I remember, now get lozzzt,” she hissed.

“Exactly!” he called with a pointed finger and waved. “Goodbye! I mean, err…” He frowned, and then he was gone in a bursting light.

In this alleyway, Beelzebub slumped down. What about the possession? She wasn’t in the mood for it anymore. But it wasn’t time for her shift yet either, and an early return to Hell would be insane. Stupid pimpled wing-sucker!

Mournfully, she stared down at her human hands and felt them with numb fingers. They weren’t warm. Or were they? How would she know?

Her flies buzzed in encouragement and whispered excitedly. What are the odds that she comes up here for the first time in almost four thousand years and directly bumps into that Archangel spilling all the beans?

“What do you mean?” Beelzebub asked. They buzzed and buzzed. And now she understood – what if it was a trap?

Beelzebub shook her head. “You heard him talk, he’s as stupid as a pebble,” she growled. The opposition’s child was probably just as secret as theirs. What if no one must know about God’s child and that moron just gave her everything? If that was her privileged information, then she must tell His Majesty right away.

The earth parted in fire as Beelzebub returned to Hell.


	3. Dirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one takes place 100% in Hell. Heads-up for torture and rape-like imagery (I didn't want it to turn out this dark I swear;;)

Hell was nothing like Beelzebub had ever imagined it after her Fall. Heaven would never be able to relate to what was happening down here every single day. Right now, she watched a demon burn another one while being scalped. Dumbass had not taken care of the leak in the walls. The screams and burning steam were too much for Beelzebub to handle. She stood up from her desk and did a vaguely bored gesture before leaving for Hell’s darkest pit in Judecca. She had done all the paperwork she was told to do, so now it was time for her audience.

On her way down, Beelzebub heard limbs being pulled apart. And a musical instrument made out of someone’s nerves. She liked the sound, but the sound of flies was still the best. She chewed on something, she didn’t know what it was anymore.

But neither the chewing nor the buzzing could sooth her – the angelic radiation had left its traces in her twisted darkness. There were spots that lingered and attacked her with burning pain whenever she had forgotten about them. She would never get a break.

Well, it’s Hell. The opposition could never relate.

She’d wanted to tempt him so badly. To try and tempt an Archangel, just for the hell of it. To pull him down into the pit without him even noticing, to taint his little precious halo and twist it between her claws. How exquisite it would taste…! And what a work success as well. She would’ve gotten a promotion for tempting an Archangel.

But she didn’t have to! That moron had just given her everything right away! He was so full of himself that he would tell anyone about his work, even a demon. What was wrong with him? He was one of Heaven’s best after all. Was it a trap after all?

She screamed and punched a stone wall to dust as she passed it by on her fiery way down to the darkest pit, where she landed on angry feet. And full of doubt. She wanted to swipe that smug grin off his angelic face so badly. Her flies buzzed aggressively in the cold.

Why had he told her the Heavenly plans?

Maybe he just wanted someone to talk to, they buzzed.

“Nonsense,” Beelzebub snapped.

It was then when Satan’s voice brought her thoughts back. It crawled up the icy walls and spat, “LORD OF THE FLIES.”

“Ohh, yes, I am here, Your Majesty, Your Disgrace.” She bowed to the pit.

“WHAT ABOUT THE MATTER YOU WANTED TO SPEAK ABOUT?”

Beelzebub sucked in a breath, still in the bowed position. “Milord, it’s about… the child.”

“WHAT ABOUT IT?”

“The… the opposition, it seems, is planning to give birth to a child on Earth azz well,” she uttered. Come on, there’s nothing to be afraid of! “I am sure they are going to do it rather soon,” she added more firmly.

The pit growled in heat. “WHAT?”

“Yes, Milord, Your Disgrace. I do not know whether the opposition knows about Your child. As of now I’m assuming they don’t-”

“ASSUMING?” The voice rattled Hell like an earthquake. Beelzebub fell onto the icy ground. “WHO IS YOUR SOURCE, LORD OF THE FLIES?”

“An Archangel,” she blurted out. She coughed up boiling blood. Her flies fled in panic.

“WHICH ONE? WHICH ARCHANGEL?”

“I don’t know…”

“WHICH ONE?” Satan’s voice yelled.

Shit, who was he? Who was he? “Purple eyes,” Beelzebub coughed. The voice fell silent, the ground stopped shaking. Beelzebub could still feel her throat, but it seemed to have burned. Her hands were shaking on the icy ground in front of the gaping pit. It was silent, but she wasn’t safe.

Without any warning, her body was pushed down flat onto the stones, head directly above the stinking pit. The insanity grew, she grinned, and she could already feel how He brought out her wings and started tugging on them with icy breath. Her skin peeled away and revealed the spots of angelic light.

“Milord, forgive me… Tell me what I should…” Her voice broke away, she flinched in pain when He ripped out the first wing. Her face was wet and hurt from distortion as the tears flowed and froze. What should she do? What was the lesson here? She wasn’t allowed to meet the Archangel.

“I will… never again…”

The pain continued. Even more painful was the cold silence all around her – no one was here. Beelzebub was alone in Judecca, in the icy fields of Hell where the only sound were her echoless screams. No one was listening. After an eternity, she was released and pulled back to her desk as if nothing had happened. The scrolls piled up in front of her. They would be distraction from the pain, she hoped. Her flies were still gone, but the wings would grow again.

Here in Hell, Beelzebub was an insect to be tortured. At least she had this one purpose. To God, she was just another broken toy.


	4. Sucker Punch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sucker Punch by Sigrid played on repeat while I wrote this. The song is amazing and honestly same;; Thank you all for checking this out!! Have a comfy October weekend ✧•°

This area on Earth was so nice, Gabriel thought. Sun, music and fresh air. And bright moons in the night. He liked it here, despite the people’s strange clothing. The Holy Land had been better in that regard. But here, people were laughing more. And there was more music, he loved music. More and more humans prayed to the Almighty. That was great!

The music in particular was so soothing. Gabriel felt his eyes close and his breath steadying. His hands were folded on this chest, and he could feel the body’s heartbeat pulsating through them. A heart was important, he had learned, so now he included it when he was on Earth. Associated with love, so it would be crazy for a being of love to not have one! It was a kind of mysterious body part, because you couldn’t see it, but you could hear it. And you could also feel it when you touched a wrist with the other hand, he had noticed. Hands were definitely great body parts. You could touch their mix of hard and softness, and you could look at them for a solid minute without getting bored. Eyes had a disadvantage in that regard, because you could never look at your own eyes. Why make them the most beautiful body parts when you couldn’t even see them?

Oh. “Forgive me, Almighty,” he prayed. The human body is perfect the way it is. Yes. Even though it restrained the ethereal light and was somewhat limiting. Whatever.

Just then, an unhuman smell crept into his nose. Humans had many unpleasant smells, but this wasn’t one of them, definitely. Gabriel got up and looked around and found, behind a column somewhere in the temple, a dark shadow of sulphur, surrounded by flies.

He recognized her immediately. “It’s you,” he called and waved, stepping up to her. She looked around and murmured a greeting.

“Long time no see,” he said, keeping a distance. You could never know with a demon, and this one’s small size could be misleading. “What are you lurking about?” he asked with a laugh. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

“I’m off-duty,” she said. Off-duty?

“So am I!” Gabriel beamed. So demons could get time off too! Peculiar. But this demon was brooding. She avoided looking at him, so he searched for her eyes. Her smell gave everything away. “Tough day at work?” Gabriel thus asked.

And then she was looking up, blue eyes full of surprise. Blue as the sky, what a nice shade – and a trace of affirmation in their rays. “I understand that,” he said and dared to come a bit closer. She had never tried to hurt him after all.

“Understand what?” she asked. “Also, didn’t you say you never wanted to return here?” Her voice sounded as if she had been punched in the face.

“Tough days at work,” he repeated. “I actually came here just to escape the paperwork.”

“Wank-wings do paperwork?”

“Do you, too? Aw, that’s always draining, isn’t it?” Gabriel sighed.

“Draining, yeah,” she mumbled and fumbled with her black clothes. “Not as draining as co-workers though.”

Gabriel felt his expression change to absolute excitement. “I know, right?” he said a bit too loud. “Always ‘err, I got another thousand scrolls’ and ‘err, I need a signature here and here and here’ – exhausting, I can’t hear it any longer.”

“Right,” she shrugged.

“And before you know it, one important application is missing and you must eliminate someone for all eternity – awkward. Duty is duty. But, urgh, that smell, I can tell you-”

“What?” She turned to face him. Her eyes seemed to study him, so Gabriel stood dead still. “I cannot believe thizzz is happening up there,” she buzzed.

“What?”

“Paperwork and violence.”

“It is happening,” Gabriel assured her. “Why would you think it isn’t?”

“Because it’zz Heaven,” she buzzed and backed off.

Gabriel flapped his arms. “Yeah? I mean, especially Heaven needs to be run with great care, order and discipline,” he said, “we need all that paperwork. Nowadays it’s a whole lot. Hasn’t always been this much.”

“Hrmf,” she made. “I hate it, too.”

“Well, ’hate’ is a bit of a strong wo-”

“I am so fed up with these buggers doing as they please! I’m working like a fucking ant and all I get for that is even more work!” she suddenly called, and Gabriel flinched at the cursing and the seething wrath. An angry foot stomped onto the temple floor and smashed a hole into the stones. Gabriel fell silent and decided to not miracle it away to avoid further paperwork.

She yelled louder and louder about things Gabriel did not understand, with gathering flies around her head, columns trembling. “Maybe you should accompany me to the water pool,” he suggested carefully and dodged a cloud of flies. How disgusting! He waved them away.

“Water?”

“Yes, it’s calming,” he assured her. After some hesitation and careful observation of the flies, he offered her a hand. This gesture opened the body, it looked inviting, he had learned that.

“Why do you want me to come?” she asked at the sight, flies buzzing and whirring.

“Because you need to calm down, because you’ve had hard days at work. And the water pool is a nice place to calm down in your freetime,” he explained. “There’s a lot of moonshine and a lot of music…”

She just kept looking at him.

“Come on,” Gabriel said and flashed her a smile. She shifted, asking, “And you’ll… come, too?”

“Err, yes, I still have some time left,” he said. “I just gotta make sure I’m back in time. Or else they’ll throw a tantrum and there’ll be more folks to silence – kinda awkward,” he explained with a grimace.

“Relatable,” she simply said. And then she followed him to the pool. They just sat there in the moonlight and talked about work situations they both disliked, but Gabriel was so thrilled to listen that he sometimes even forgot to talk. How curious that they had so many similar experiences! Who would’ve thought they had so much to talk about! He just had to watch out for the demonic flies.

“One time there was a leak in the roofing stones that someone forgot to take care of, and all scrolls I had worked on were ruined,” she told him with a groan. “One year of work, just gone!”

“That’s terrible,” Gabriel sighed. “Did you punish the idiot?”

“Of course I did,” she snarled, “who do you think I am? But at that time I was… feeling funny. I sentenced him not to burn for all eternity, but to stand by the jar that collected the water dropzz.”

“Ohh,” Gabriel laughed. “For how long?”

“Until the leak would clozzze itself,” she growled with malice, knees pulled close to her tiny body. She was just a buzzing black pile of evil – she looked so funny! Gabriel couldn’t stop laughing. “That’s really mean of you, oh Lord,” he marveled with a grin.

“The bezzt part is that I moved offices. I don’t even know if he’s still standing there,” she spat. Eventually, she joint Gabriel’s laughter. It was a snorting, kind of gross sound, but Gabriel figured that a laughing voice was always a good voice, so he decided to like it.


	5. Working for the Weekend

As it turns out, exchanging work stories, exhausting work stories in particular, is pretty relieving. Gabriel didn’t want the conversation to end, but both of them had to go back to work somewhen (after a week or so). Back to the stuff they both disliked. It had been so much fun, and not only that – Wanting to be helpful, Gabriel pointed out that it had been good for the demon’s health as well, seeing how she wouldn’t read her own radiation. She smelled much more relaxed and less inflamed.

“If you wanna do that again sometime… y’know.” He put his hands into his cloak’s pockets and smiled at her.

“What?” she asked, blinking at the setting sun. They couldn’t stay for another moonrise.

“To just talk. I liked it,” Gabriel said.

“Well, I didn’t, and you’re terrible,” she protested, but it felt off – she had healed ever since they had started talking. “You’ll change your mind. You feel better, don’t you?” Gabriel asked, desperately wanting her to come again.

She sighed, “I do. Which is curious, considering all we did was tearing our hairs out and complain.”

“We did complain. A lot,” Gabriel agreed.

Her rays were unreadable for a moment. “Aren’t you supposed to… soothe others?” she asked.

“Soothe?” he repeated and paused to think. Soothe, as in comfort? He frowned. “As in ‘do not be afraid’, you mean?”

“I guess,” she murmured in confusion.

“Well,” he said and grinned, “then here you go: Do not be afraid!”

She shifted. “That was awful. No wonder humans bloody hate you.” There was a pause. “That’s… mean,” Gabriel said with a frown.

She gave him the single most annoyed look he ever saw on a face. “Demon,” she simply said. Gabriel flapped his arms in protest. “So?” he said. “That’s no reason to get rude like that.”

“I am literally juzzt doing my job,” she spat.

“Are you?” Gabriel went. “Because if we were to meet again, I’ll always have to make sure you’re off-duty, needless to say. Otherwise I’d have to… y’know, thwart the evil plans and kill you.”

She blinked. “I said nothing about wanting to meet you again, you idiot. I won’t be coming back,” she said wearily, making Gabriel sigh in resignation. “What a shame,” he said. “Alright. Then I won’t bother you anymore. I wished we could talk again though.”

“And complain,” she growled.

“Yes.” He gave her a last smile, ere remembering something: “Oh, in case you change your mind – you know how to get in touch.” He winked. She blinked. “I don’t,” she said. “Dumbass.”

“Oh. Well, y’know” – he clicked his tongue – “just pray. Archangel Gabriel. ‘Do not be afraid’.”

“Gabriel,” she repeated with a stutter.

“Yes, exactly.” He grinned proudly. “Alternatively, I could pray to you, I just need a name to address you.”

“I am a demon,” she buzzed with outrage. “For Hell’zz sake, you got to start from the start. You cannot pray to me. You have to zzummon me, that’s way more complicated.”

“Okay then. Care to explain it to me?”

“Explain what?”

Gabriel sighed. This was getting exhausting. “The summoning,” he repeated in annoyance. “How do I do that? I’ve never done that, I need help.”

“It takes too much time to explain it now. I got to go back.”

“Alrighty. Then just hit me up whenever you’re free and tell me then,” he smiled, lightning striking the ground as he flew Heavenwards. He had noticed he was behind schedule.

For a few weeks, Gabriel was worried if she had forgotten about the offer. Or if he would’ve had to teach her how to pray beforehand.

“Can demons pray?”

“Pardon, sir?”

“Can demons pray? But why would they? They surely can’t, stupid question. Hm. Ahh, yes, the signature, here you go, bye-bye, fare thee well.” He sighed as the subordinate finally left. He should’ve talked more her…

_Urgh. There’zzz no way this is working –_

Gabriel almost fell off his stool. The buzzing voice!

They did meet again. The prayers worked perfectly fine, even though they were exhausting to perform for Lord Beelzebub. That was her name: Lord Beelzebub. “That’s a bit long,” Gabriel commented, making the flies around her head terribly aggressive. But nothing could bring him down, because he had been right after all – she needed to talk just as badly as him. Sure, everyone’s trying to get things right. But everyone’s going off the deep end, regardless in which office they worked. That was equally true. And off-duty Earth was a safe place for them to blow off steam. Literal demon steam, in Lord Beelzebub’s case. Each time her radiation got a little bit healthier.

What a peculiar thing she was. Sometimes she spoke really fast, and sometimes she was all slow and buzzing. Gabriel really, really liked her black presence, but her summoning ritual was so complicated that he considered refusing to do it. Several bones, candles, sand from the Holy Land, blood of the innocent, dead flies – “Why the flies though?” he asked her jokingly. “What are you, the Lord the Flies?”

“What are you, the Archangel fucking Dumbass?”

He gasped at the cursing. “You’re being so rude again,” he frowned.

“You know who else is rude? Zzatan,” Lord Beelzebub said and kept poking her nose. Her flies liked the slime. “Want some?” she offered.

Gabriel grinned. “No,” he declined calmly and wondered, mildly panicking, if he was being rude to reject her offer like that.


	6. Bad Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh (:V)
> 
> The song for every show’s villain and their mother. There’s actually an amazing Bureaucracy video with this, go check it out if you haven’t! https://youtu.be/OGWQEOkT60c

She was still a demon.

A demon. A criminal, a Fallen one.

Hanging out with an angel wasn’t something that made her anything less of a demon. She told herself that it had literally no effect on her whatsoever, neither his nasty radiation nor the prayers she was coerced to perform when no one was looking (because this was a secret, of course). Prayers were absolutely ridiculous, and they stung a demon’s body rather badly, but Beelzebub found that she was getting better at them with every try. Praying had packed her ambition. She learned how to navigate the painful bits and kept things short, and that way, she found that she could really make it.

A praying demon.

But a demon still! A demon still! An extraordinary demon, skilled to the bone, but her boss mustn’t know. Especially not now that she knew _he_ really was that purple-eyed Gabriel that had made Satan so furious. So, no promotion. Even if one day she’d manage to tempt him, she’d get no rewards or so. The Master must never see how much angelic light she had absorbed already.

So, hard days of work were now simultaneously getting better and getting worse. It started out as spying on Heaven’s plans, but now it was just mutual complaining. “I am a Prince of Hell,” Beelzebub had said to herself ere praying to him for the thirteenth time. Thirteen, the diabolic number. An alarmingly high number. Had the meetings become a habit already?

_I am calling the Archangel Gabriel._

Thirteen, tse. It was ridiculous. As was the angel himself. Thought he was a tough guy, chest always puffed and radiation always so _caring_ and – still, he was meeting with a demon. That made him bad, didn’t it? But on the other hand, it didn’t make her _good_. It mustn’t. Her head spun and buzzed, buzzed, buzzed. She was so confused, she should get things ordered.

There were many cons to this situation: angelic radiation, the threat of death by either Hell or Heaven, general consorting with her hereditary enemy. On the other hand, she could actually calm down when she spent her free time like this. He actually listened to her, she had someone to complain to. They just resonated. If he wasn’t so fucking stupid, Beelzebub would be sure it was a trap.

The only real problem was that she could not fully relax when she was threatened with being killed if word got out. She still had field work, but in order for no one to ask questions, she had originally planned on taking other demons’ Earth jobs in addition. Several other demons. Thousands of other demons. That way they wouldn’t be able to track her down when she was just up there in her free time.

That’s what she had planned. But that plan stank of angelic prudence – she should just kill whoever asked questions. She could do that, she was a demon after all. In some fields, she still had her pride and her scruples.

Scruples which the angel didn’t seem to have at all, she had noticed. Heaven wasn’t the picture-perfect good place Beelzebub had thought it was. She couldn’t say for sure, maybe it was just wishful thinking – but was the Archangel really that angelic? No one could be that angelic. His angelic influence on her was marginal after all. In fact, his radiation seemed to heal the bruises it had previously caused in her darkness. His summonings were ragged too, but at least they somewhat worked, that was easy to forget in all of this mess. Where did he get the blood of the innocent? That wasn’t something an angel could get hold of that easily.

Or was it?

She kneaded her underlip so hard it began to bleed. What kind of game is he playing? Was it a trap after all? She couldn’t possibly say for sure, she had to be careful – but there was the possibility that he wasn’t as angelic as he pretended to be. In a twisted way, the thought was dangerously tempting. Didn’t she deserve this after all her hard work for her Master? Maybe she should adapt his way of thinking, she only met him off-duty after all, and she was a Prince of Hell.

She could do whatever the fuck she pleased.

It was bad enough that she was the only one the angel had to talk to, but on top of that, he was the only one she had as well. And as of now, she was kind of having fun, God’s dangerous child having been crucified long ago. Until Armageddon, Beelzebub wanted to keep this. That fact alone was demonic enough. Well, when in doubt, the lust surely was. His body was so tall… and his smile was like a sucker punch. For a moment she pretended that he wasn’t an Archangel.

Her flies warned her: Caution, demon prince.

But her ambition told her to go try and tempt him. He said he’d kill her without batting an eye after all, so why not have a little fun? Go pull him into that dark pit, he’s worth it. Just another stupid wanker on the path to Hell’s final victory.

Not for the boss, not for anyone, not even for herself. Just for the hell of it.

“Wing grooming?” Dagon offered her from the other side of the room.

Beelzebub blinked and felt a sting in her back. “I can’t,” she said and walked out of the office.


	7. Call Me Irresponsible/Let There Be Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is two songs cheating lol? Let’s see if Gabe is susceptible to temptation…

Gabriel looked at himself in the mirror and turned around to see his celestial body from all sides. Mirrors were an amazing concept. The angels had installed some after remodeling Heaven. Finally he could see his eyes too! Now he could – in accordance with human fashion, of course – miracle clothes that matched the colors of his eyes, hair and skin. He had found earlier that he liked white the best. However, violet accessories and accents really brought out his beautiful eyes. Eyes were the best body part after all.

An office of his own was pretty swell as well. Now he could decide when subordinates could enter and annoy him and when he wanted to be left alone. Like now.

He was about to leave for the northern hemisphere (Beelzebub had prayed to him and now he knew her position, somewhere in the tundra). But he had to choose an outfit first. This one here with the scarf looked dapper. And a lilac cape, perfect.

There was a knock on the door. “Gabriel, sir?” an unsure voice asked. It belonged to Samandriel.

Doors were a great invention too. “Not now, Sammy, I’m busy,” Gabriel called in his most sympathetic tone. A scarf of silk would be nice though.

“Sir, please let me in. It is urgent.”

“Please go away,” Gabriel sighed with a frown.

“But, sir – I know you’re taking a break, but it is my responsibility to present you a matter of utmost urgency.”

“Call me irresponsible then,” Gabriel muttered under his breath and closed the cabinet with a fingersnap of both hands.

“Sir? A-all right, I’ll come another time.”

“Don’t worry, Sammy, I’ll reach out to you as soon as I’m available again,” Gabriel called. He adjusted his clothes in the mirror and checked whether he still had enough Holy water with him. Ready to take off. With a lightning blaze, he left.

Of course he felt bad. Sometimes. But he was an Archangel. He could do whatever he wanted to do in his free time. If Samandriel wanted to discuss something while he was gone, he could just as well talk to Uriel or Sandalphon. Sandalphon had practically nothing to do compared to him, he could step in from time to time! Gabriel figured he should talk to him about this sometime soon.

But that was not what he wanted to think about now.

With a broad grin, Gabriel arrived where Lord Beelzebub had prayed and waited for him. “Hiya,” he greeted and scrunched his nose. She looked adorable!

“You’re late,” she said and looked around. There were some stones and grasses here, but it was mostly vast and bland. Except for the ocean. “I was being delayed by a co-worker,” Gabriel said and stood up next to her. “I’m impressed,” he continued, “that your flies stand the cold.” He looked her over. She was relaxed, but still smelling of evil. Of course. She side-eyed him in return and then they stared at the ocean and its stormy waves for a while.

Gabriel knew that Lord Beelzebub was not particularly fond of his ethereal radiation, even though it nurtured her inflamed soul whenever they were together. She said that his angelic nature and his friendliness annoyed her, but could he help it? No.

“How’s it going?” he decided to ask. Their usual conversation starter.

“Relatively good,” she said after a while and faced him from all the way down there. Her body was so small compared to his!

“That’s nice to hear,” he smiled. “Your warts are thriving too.”

“Boilzz,” she corrected with a buzz.

“Ahh, yes. Sorry.” He turned to watch the ocean a bit more. But then, almost as if his tongue spoke on his own (and speaking over Lord Beelzebub), he asked, “Do you think we’re being irresponsible?”

“Can’t tell,” she said. “Hell’s got integrity, so I can’t afford to be irresponsible. Trust me, I’d know right away if I was.”

“But what about me?” Gabriel asked in an unsure tone.

“You?” she went and blinked. “You’re unreliable, for a start. Why are you always so late? I was freezing my head off out here. Almost lit up the area out of boredom.”

“I needed something to wear,” Gabriel explained. With a smile, he strengthened his radiation to something warmer. Her eyes narrowed. “What do you think you’re doing?” she warned him. But Gabriel’s smile persisted, and after another side-eye, she murmured, arms crossed, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Gabriel replied. “Do you still like those black lumps? I could miracle you a new outfit, if you like,” he offered.

“No,” she went instantly.

“Alright. Your loss.” He shifted. The waves looked really inviting. “How much time have you got?” he asked cautiously. “As usual,” she replied. “Why?”

“Because I am way behind my schedule in regards of physical exercise,” Gabriel said in embarrassment. “And this ocean would be perfect for swimming.” He had to keep this temple of a body in shape after all. He ought to honor it.

“Swimming?” she asked, unimpressed.

“Yes.” He pouted. “Please?”

“Geez, don’t ask,” she groaned, “just go, for Hell’s sake.”

“Thanks,” he sang and got rid of the boots to jump into the cool water. The current was strong, but nothing he and his human arms couldn’t handle. “Still warm enough?” he asked when his head was out of the water.

“I’m fine,” she called. “How about you?”

“Just fine,” he called back. “Why?”

He saw her close her eyes in annoyance. “Becauzze there’re ice floes in the water.”

“Yeah. So?”

“That means it’s cold,” she called.

“I know. But I’m warm enough. Movement equals warmth,” he explained with a click of his tongue, just to tickle another groan out of her. He swam closer to the cliff. “I’m not overly clever, but I can get by. Let there be love! I know you don’t like my attitude, Lord Beelzebub,” he called, “but maybe you should not overthink things as much.”

“Yeah, thanks,” she spat and tapped her foot. “Hurry up.”

“Will do. Can you watch my clothes in the meantime?” With a snap of his fingers, Gabriel was naked, and somehow that made Lord Beelzebub’s radiation jump to instant heat. Great, then he didn’t have to worry about that anymore! “Now that you’re not cold anymore,” he called, “don’t you wanna join me? It’s amazing! ‘Do not be afraid’!”

“Shut your stupid fucking face! And watch out for the ice floes!”

“Will do. Loot at that, there’s a giant fish! Get ready for some cuddles, buddy.”

“That’s a shar- argh, nevermind, you idiot.”


	8. Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, Gabe should’ve listened to Sammy! Also, WOW. War is fun to write :’D

Just when the meetings with Lord Beelzebub had begun to get really fun, Gabriel was unable to meet with her for a very long time as he had basically no time off anymore. He was busy with keeping track of some scattered knights who wanted to fight in the Holy Land. Or so. He didn’t quite understand the matter, but soon enough he thought he would explode at the sight of another scroll saying ‘crusades’.

It saddened him.

This had to stop. Luckily, an acquaintance reached out for him to meet up on Earth and discuss the matter. This would be his last action in this crazy thing. Has everybody gone mad? Wasn’t Aziraphale tasked with such things normally?

The Holy Land wasn’t what it once was. The sand was terrible, but he should take some with him for demon summonings. “There’s a goat,” Gabriel noted, and then someone called his name. He turned around and saw a woman with hair like blood and a smile like the stars. He stepped up to her. “War. Long time no see.”

“Indeed,” she smiled. “Oh, you look bad. You alright?”

Huh? “I’m okay, I guess. Thanks,” he murmured. “You’re thriving, as it seems.”

“Why, thanks.” She smiled to the ground as if to appear sheepish. Gabriel tapped his foot (now he understood why Beelzebub always used that movement when she was impatient). He asked, “Why did you call me? To negotiate?” He looked around. “Oh Lord, it’s so bleak out here.”

“Skipping the small talk, are we?” War replied and eyed him again. Her face hardened. “You got it _bad_, don’t you?” she asked.

“Hm?”

“I mean, she’s obviously more miserable than you. But for an Archangel to meet with her like that…” She turned away with raised eyebrows and her signature smirk.

Oh. _Oh_. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gabriel managed to say. He cleared his throat. “Uhh, you even learned how to lie!” she beamed. “You’re bad at it, but so am I.” She strolled around. “The Lord of the Flies, of course! Prince of Hell, does that ring anything?”

He had told himself he was at peace, but actually knowing someone _knew_ made Gabriel feel terrible. He fell silent, much to War’s delight. “Ha, I knew it. You poor fella,” she said.

“Who else knows about it?” Gabriel uttered. This felt bad.

“None of your fractions, so stay calm. I don’t wanna chat about that either. I was just curious. And surprised when I saw you picking up sand.” She shrugged.

“Do I smell of her?” Gabriel asked with a frown.

“Not as bad as you ought to, strangely. No one will know.”

“Phew, good.”

“Michael would’ve chopped of your head long ago otherwise. Let’s get down to business, shall we?”

“Yes, we rather shall,” Gabriel said, glad to change the topic. “Stop dragging Heaven into this,” he said simply. War rolled her eyes in playful teasing. “Come on, it’ll be amazing,” she said.

“No! Heaven will not cooperate with you.”

“You have in the past…” she mentioned and raised her eyebrows.

Wow. The audacity. “Listen, I don’t know what Michael and you had going on back then,” Gabriel said with a raised finger, “but whatever it was – I don’t wanna take part in it. There’s no deal we’re making, whatsoever.”

“Clearly.”

There was pause, the sun burned their skins. “What now?” War asked somewhen.

“I will be leaving,” Gabriel replied in tense tones. He was feeling terribly unwell.

“Why are you so stubborn?” War asked. “You cannot do anything about it. We once cooperated and we will again, inevitably. With all of my friends tagging along. I am way too powerful to be avoided.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I can hardly wait.” Then he noticed the strange expression in her eyes. “What’s with that face?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t mention Beelzebub again.

She didn’t. “Nothing. Tell Michael I’m looking forward to the summoning,” War said.

“I will make sure it won’t be Michael. Or anyone associated with Heaven,” Gabriel said with a forced smile.

“Yeah. It’d be a shame if you were to engage with something _bad_.” War walked backwards, but she wasn’t finished. “I don’t need any of you,” she called. “Humans created me, and with them alone, I’m more powerful than any of you could ever imagine. Remember that, Gabe. The crusades ain’t over.”

He just had to wait. He had to have faith. He had to make sure word would not get out. He was an Archangel, but what about her? Was Lord Beelzebub in danger, despite being (apparently) a Prince of Hell? How high of a position was that? Would she be safe?

Gabriel turned around, but War was right behind him. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I won’t spill any beans. That would be harsh, even after such a rejection.” She gave him a smile.

“Thank you,” said Gabriel.

“Don’t mention it. Say hello to Michael from me, will you, Gabe?” she asked with hopeful eyes. “Come on, you understand me now, don’t you? ‘Archangel and demon’ is not so different from ‘Archangel and baleful deity’.”

“You’ll never change, I suppose,” Gabriel said and nodded. “Will do.”

“Yes,” she hissed in triumph. “Thanks!” She patted his shoulder. “I would’ve called her down here in the first place – if I wasn’t so curious about you and the demon,” she grinned with glistening eyes. “Now excuse me, I have work to do.”

“Me too,” Gabriel said with a cough. He needed a few more miracles before returning to Heaven though. And then they should rejoice, because War getting stronger meant Armageddon was getting closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And thus, the Four Horsemen were outsourced from Heaven.)


	9. All I Need Is A Miracle

Once he did not have to bother with the crusades anymore, Gabriel was quick to gather all the stuff he needed for a demonic summoning. He had already collected them, now he just needed to perform the ritual. He was so hasty, so eager to see the demon again, that he burned his fingers in the process. Ouch. And stupid jaw bones, they were so sharp. And the demonic fire burned him quite painfully, seeing how he had not performed the summoning in a long time, but at least it wasn’t Hell fire.

In a blaze as red as blood, Gabriel called her.

“Yes?”

He faltered at how excited her voice sounded. For a moment he was afraid to have called the wrong demon. “Lord Beelzebub?” Gabriel asked cautiously.

“Speaking, dumbass.” Ahh, she had regained her composure.

“I’m free again, and I need to talk to you very badly,” Gabriel blurted out with a laugh.

“Same. Jungle, South America?”

“Yeah, whatever. Deal.”

When Gabriel arrived, Beelzebub was chewing some kind of fruit, but she almost choked at the shock of him appearing out of nowhere. “What the hell! Would you ever just stop with that fucking lightning? Geez…”

“Sorry,” he apologized half-heartedly. He was raging so hard he didn’t even address the cursing.

“I need to talk,” they both said at the same time.

“Good,” they replied.

Gabriel breathed in. “You go first,” Beelzebub said, “I already strangled a jaguar, I can wait.”

“Good,” he replied, “because a whole lot of stupid stuff happened, and I really need to get it off my chest.”

She giggled. “You look really stressed out. Curuba?”

“No, thanks.” Gabriel forced himself to smile. “I do not eat. Especially not… that.”

“It’zz good,” she promised, waving the fruit. Some flies sat down on it, but they weren’t Beelzebub’s. Her boils were gone as well. Instead, she wore a hat that vaguely looked like a giant fly, Gabriel only saw that now. His stomach turned.

“No,” he repeated, collecting himself, and then he broke loose: “Anyway, have you heard about the atrocity that are the crusades? ‘Were’, at this point, thank God. Humans are coming up with the worst stuff, and then _we_ have to take the consequences, and we leave it to the most incompetent and annoying staff members available. I didn’t catch a break! Over two hundred years of paperwork!” He shook his head to pause for air. “The absolute worst. You know that one time I had to sign the same document one million and seven hundred times? That’s almost two million! Has everybody gone crazy?” he called.

“Come on, breathe in,” Beelzebub said with a grin – Gabriel breathed in – “and try this tasty curuba. It’s amazing.”

“No!” Gabriel called. He frowned. The fruit was yellow-ish with golden seeds inside. And lots of flies on top of it. “No,” he said with emphasis. “I do not sully this temple of a celestial body with gross matter.”

“Gross matter!” she repeated with laughter. It was that snorting sound. “You’re so dumb…! But listen, you’re not the only one suffering from crusades. Demon deals all over the place, even though we had nothing to do with it. Those idiots were fighting in your name after all,” she said and ate a bit junk of the fruit. Gabriel shivered. Gross.

“Heaven had nothing to do with that,” he said, trying to block out the smacking sounds.

“You know,” she said, not listening, “this fruit is of God’s holy creation, you should honour it.”

“Stop with the stupid fruit,” he yelled, “or I’ll…!”

She looked up, stopping every motion, and fixated him with blue eyes. Blue eyes now with nothing but fair skin and mysterious darkness around them. And fear. The fruit’s juice dripped from her small mouth. “Sorry,” Gabriel murmured. “I’m not myself.”

She swallowed and nodded, relaxing. “Neither am I. I guess. Two hundred years without complaining felt like I went on cold turkey,” she murmured.

He crooked his head.

“Detoxication,” she explained and slumped down. Her radiation was melancholic now. He wanted to hug her. “To undergo detoxication means you had to be intoxicated,” he joked to cheer her up, but the word hit him like a brick wall – ‘intoxicated’. They weren’t intoxicated, were they? Sure, the radiation had left traces, but –

“Let me talk about my offizze too,” Beelzebub buzzed.

“Y-yeah, sure,” Gabriel uttered, but then he remembered something: “But before that I need to clarify something. I never knew you were a prince! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Beelzebub closed her eyes, opened them slowly and said, “Prince of Hell, yes. Who told you?”

“War,” Gabriel sighed. “Somehow she found out about our meetings, but she won’t talk to anyone else about it.”

“All right,” Beelzebub murmured, sounding not as happy as Gabriel had hoped she would. “A prince,” he whispered in delighted disbelief.

“Why do you like that so much? Wanna be a princess, wank-wings?” she teased with a smile. “How amazing would that be?” he laughed. “I’d dig it. Come on, let’s find a place to sit down. Then you can tell me everything.” He smiled. “By the way, love the hat.”

The hat’s wings buzzed in happiness, legs crawling slowly.

“Woah.” Gabriel stepped aside, but he quickly realized the fly was harmless. The jungle’s butterflies liked it too.

“I thought I’d try and blend in,” Beelzebub explained. “The flies are now gathered in one big one.”

“Cute,” Gabriel smiled and squatted to look at it, but Beelzebub’s glare made him straighten up right away. However, her face softened shockingly fast. They looked at each other for a while.

“I missed you,” Gabriel realized.

“I needed thizz too,” Beelzebub buzzed and threw the rest of the fruit over her shoulder. “So let me complain already.”

“With pleasure.”


	10. Broken Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Classic GO wingfic trope in this one. Good trope. Love it. Also, I headcanon that Gabriel changed his fashion style just like Crowley in the TV series, while Beelzebub is more like Aziraphale and wore her favourite comfy clothes regardless of the century :’)

The angel was different today. They walked the Alpes and found a green meadow to chill with some groundhogs, but his radiation was annoyingly icky. Even the fly on Beelzebub’s head growled. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she finally broke. “What izz it?” she buzzed.

“My wings,” he sighed.

“Wings? What about them?” she asked.

“They… itch,” he murmured and shifted awkwardly.

“You’ve got an itch? On your wings?”

“Is that bad?” he asked with a frown and sounded genuinely scared. Beelzebub exhaled. Really? “Nasty wank-wings. When have you last groomed them?” she asked.

The angel’s eyes widened, and he fell completely silent, staring at the grass beneath them.

Oh, fuck. “You need to groom your bloody wings, for fuck’s sake!” Beelzebub called, her voice echoing in the grey mountains. The groundhogs escaped.

A few minutes later they had sat down, Gabriel in front of her, wings out. They were still the angelic bird shape, a weird shade of grey and if they were literally anything else than wings, Beelzebub would’ve adored that loathsome smell – but now she felt like throwing up.

“Good grief, this is disgusting,” she said. Her fly buzzed in agreement. Gabriel said nothing, his angelic pride was too hurt. But still in this state, his body was still so desirable. “I’ll miracle us some oil and put it onto the primaries and the secondaries,” Beelzebub said to distract herself, “but for your scapulars I’ll need to summon some serious magic, man. They look horrible.”

“Please don’t tell me,” he begged. He covered his face with his hands, and Beelzebub was grateful she only saw his clothed back. The view of the Archangel Gabriel in torn silk, just a miserable lump somewhere in the Alpes, was… alien. He always dressed in the latest human fashion, and now that was all ripped apart and smelling of embarrassment.

Beelzebub had prepared the oil in her hands. “I’ll start now,” she murmured, not sure what else to say in such a moment, and reached out to realign a crooked primary feather. Heated. Gabriel did not twitch at her touch. Good. She began massaging the feathers’ roots and combed them with skilled hands, even though it burned. She also used magic for the small, dirty feathers that looked absolutely helpless, and she took her time. The fly had wandered from her head to Gabriel’s face to distract him with funny sounds.

They did not talk until Gabriel, somewhen, complimented Beelzebub on her talent.

“It’zz no talent, it’s routine,” she replied drily.

“So, you do that often?”

“Yes.” She sighed. “I guess we’re done now. But don’t wait for another five thousand yearzz for the next cleaning, okay?”

Gabriel tried standing up. “Yes, okay,” he said, clearing his throat as he shook his dead-gone legs. He turned around and spread his wings, admiring the clean feathers. “Wow,” he marveled. “They look amazing! I haven’t even looked at them for thousands of years.” He was so happy that new flowers started blooming all around him.

“I wouldn’t have done that either, to be honest,” Beelzebub snorted and clapped her hands. The fly buzzed in amazement, and then Gabriel gave her a look she’d never seen from him before. “Thank you,” he said. The flowers swayed.

“Oh, don’t thank me,” Beelzebub called. “It was nothing. I do that all the time with Dagon back in the office,” she said, wondering how much time they had just wasted with _wing grooming_.

“And your colleague does yours, regularly?” Gabriel asked, swinging the fly around in playful gratitude.

“Yes.”

“Yours must look devastatingly beautiful then,” he said with a shy smile. Even though he looked more angelic than ever, he didn’t smell like it. He was behaving weird. Beelzebub blinked at his choice of words. “I find them beautiful,” she said, not without pride.

“Can you show me?” he asked. “C’mon, I showed you mine. Let’s be even.”

Beelzebub grinned and raised her chin. “It’ll be my pleazzure,” she buzzed, and with that, her coat ripped apart and she spread her wings, unfolding slowly from her back. She heard the fly peep in excitement and Gabriel cough in surprise.

“Um, well…”

She looked up and grinned brightly. “Awesome, don’t you think? Different from you wank-wings.”

“They sure are,” he said, swallowing. He had surely never seen insect wings of this size and colour. “If the sun would be shining, they’d glisten very nicely,” Beelzebub beamed.

“I’m sure they would,” Gabriel said with fascination. She stood perfectly upright, despite how his radiation tickled her. And he looked like a picture-book perfect angel…

“The more I think about it,” Beelzebub said as Gabriel circled her, “the more I’m shocked you didn’t scream like a baby when you laid your angel eyes upon them.”

“Why should I? They look nice. They’re not broken, they just mutated,” he replied in genuine irritation. “I must admit, I was also surprised to not hear you laughing at me when I… y’know.” He stopped in front of her and fixated her with purple eyes. His feathers swayed in the wind.

“I was sure you’d take advantage of a moment of such vulnerability,” he murmured and added, “I’m sorry.”

Beelzebub faltered and looked down, wings folding back again. She wanted this. She knew she _needed_ it, but not only that – she didn’t want to tempt him anymore. She didn’t want him to be miserable. She would not stop teasing him, she told herself. But maybe she’d stopped hating him. Maybe his love radiation had done its part. Temptation hadn’t worked with him back in the jungle, and it was no fun anyway when she was with him. Talking was. And apparently wing grooming had been a big deal for him.

“I will bloody brag about how masterfully I cleaned yours,” she blurted out, shaking her head as if to get everything out of it, but the angel reached out for her hand, and she allowed the touch. “You have burned your fingers,” he noticed. And then he healed them with tickling sparkles that almost made her giggle. Human hands were always warm, she remembered.

She wasn’t broken. An Archangel had said that to her. Not that Beelzebub needed the validation, it was just that… it pleasantly surprised her.

‘Not broken’.


	11. Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is equally Don Draper, Drew from 30 Rock and Ed from Parks and Rec, meaning God’s Perfect Idiot™ And so am I, because my dumb ass decided to do this challenge when uni starts again;; Have a nice weekend!!! <3

“Wow, that blouse looks good on you.”

Beelzebub almost threw up.

“Going for some white, are we?” Gabriel continued in his oblivious manner. He kept on walking as if he hadn’t heard himself speak. Did he ever hear himself speak? “Never say something like this ever again,” she murmured in disgust and stopped walking. “I am going to burn it.”

He frowned. “The blouse? Aw, you wouldn’t. It just looks pretty on you,” he said.

“Uargh.”

“All you need now is a bit more blue to bring out your eyes…” – “If you don’t zzztop right away I’ll literally murder you.” – “…and some red accents that match Hat’s eyes.”

She got ready to set him on fire, but then she faltered. “Who’zz Hat?”

“That little fellow right here,” Gabriel smiled and pointed to Beelzebub’s head. Oh, the fly? Ever since they she had combined them to one big one, Beelzebub couldn’t understand their messages anymore. It buzzed in what sounded suspiciously like bashfulness.

“Aw, look,” Gabriel said, “they’re flattered.”

“Stop it!” she called and grabbed the fly to shield it from further angelic radiation.

“I’m just saying you should go a bit more color-coordinated, like I do,” he continued. Ever since she had groomed his wings, Gabriel dressed in more silver and grey tones to match them. Earlier today he complained about how he couldn’t show his full look to anyone in his office, because then they’d ask how he managed to keep his wings in this shape, and that could be possibly dangerous to their secret meetings.

As she thought about that, Beelzebub said, “I’m surprised you didn’t tell anyone right away, you showy dumbass.” She caressed the fly to make it calm down.

“Oh, Lord Beelzebub, I don’t even need to show them,” Gabriel said in a nasty tone. “They say I’m _fly_ anyway.” He giggled.

Beelzebub was close to blowing up the entire island. “What the fuck,” she uttered as he burst out in laughter.

“Urgh, you are the worst.”

“At least I have style,” he replied and shook his head. “But you don’t need to follow my tips, just hand me Hat, please.”

“No,” she called, taking a protective step back.

Gabriel smirked. “You don’t wanna fight me. Not over our little friend here.”

“It’zz not a friend!” Beelzebub snapped, and the fly in her arms wept in a sad tone. “You’re making them cry,” Gabriel said, finally dropping the smug façade and rushing closer to soothe the fly. _The bloody fly._

“There, there,” he said and patted its black fur. “They look super eerie,” he whispered as he caressed it, “but also very cute.”

Taken aback by the sudden proximity, Beelzebub hummed and tried looking anywhere else than his face, which was much too close to hers right now, radiation burning her face. He mumbled nothing but nonsense, and he wouldn’t stop, and finally she let him take the fly to cradle it.

Beelzebub sat down somewhere and watched them play. When the fly tried crawling inside his shirt, she looked away.

“Oh, buddy, do you wanna know what’s underneath of that? Don’t…” Gabriel giggled, and Beelzebub rested her boiling face in her hands. He’s ticklish, great. And now he did impressions of Greek marble statues.

‘What’s underneath of that’ – of course did Beelzebub want to know what he looked like underneath of all these luxurious (albeit tasteful) clothes. She wanted to know what he felt like, how he sounded. She couldn’t help it, lust had always been among her vices. Gabriel looked delicious, and there was nothing wrong with finding him desirable. Lust was a deadly sin, mind you, and it fueled her demonic ledger whenever she felt it. But Beelzebub would’ve never thought that she’d feel lust this seriously for an angel. It almost was as if she did not see his disgusting angelic-ness from time to time. Disgusting and desirable at the same time, was that even possible?

In an attempt to distract herself, Beelzebub started cleaning herself in that fly-ish way she adopted a while ago. The fly – _Hat_ – was blushing and squeaking at Gabriel showing off. “Still feeling pretty fly,” Gabriel called, and Beelzebub made the area around him burn with hell fire as punishment. He would never use that word ever again.

The posing wasn’t so bad though.


	12. She's Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday! There’s two chapters today to make up for it :’)

They had to get rid of the summoning/praying policy sometime. Gabriel was getting short on the ingredients, and Beelzebub had an increasingly bad time with prayers. Which was a pity, because Gabriel really enjoyed prayers, and he was sad that she wasn’t able to share this joy with him. But he respected her boundary. Beelzebub thought of something different instead: a direct connection from her desk to his via a constant miracle flow. In turn, Gabriel could shield it with his own miracles (meaning making it smell of sulphur down in the basement, and of lavender up here in the penthouse), so no one would notice.

The miracle connection was a welcomed change, convenient and clean. There was only one disadvantage – it worked via numeric codes, Arabian numbers, and Gabriel realized he could not remember a single one of them. He wrote every possible combination onto his office’s wall, behind the cabinet.

It was not as convenient as Gabriel wanted it to be, but considering Beelzebub thought of this all by herself – she was quite talented.

He tried calling for her by writing them into the air, leaving a soft sparkle, and waited for her to reply.

At that moment, there was a knock on his door and Sandalphon came in. “Excuse me, Gabriel, can yo-”

“No, I can’t,” Gabriel smiled. It hurt his face. Sandalphon just stood there and stared. “What?” Gabriel asked. “I’m busy.”

“But your desk is empty,” Sandalphon noted.

“It is. Because you will do the rest of my stuff. Y’know,” Gabriel said, “if you can enter without waiting for me to call you inside, you can just as well leave again without me actually telling you to leave.”

_“Yeah, drag ‘em.”_

Sandalphon stumbled backwards. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Gabriel murmured and shoved him outside. “Time is money,” he called in desperation.

“We need to get rid of that miracle connection,” he later said to Beelzebub. “The codes are hard to remember. And with summonings, at least I knew when you were on! Sandalphon totally walked in on me.”

“Come on, it was funny,” she grinned, fruit juice dripping from her mouth onto the white blouse. “It was pretty funny,” Gabriel agreed, “but I was also close to a panic attack. Beez, I can’t do that any longer.”

She paused. Her radiation changed. “Excuse me?”

“What?”

“What did you juzzt call me?” she buzzed. Hat made a sound that vaguely sounded like ‘uh-oh’. Gabriel blinked. “Beez, you mean? Ah, right. I always thought ‘Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell’ was a bit too long,” he laughed.

Her eyes widened. “You will addrezzzz me the way I tell you to,” she growled, dark glow surrounding her.

“Alright, alright,” he said, “for Heaven’s sake, I apologize. What do you want me to call you?”

She continued chewing the fruit and thought for a moment. Hat buzzed in pondering.

“I got a few more that I totally love. How about Beelzy? Or Lord Buzz?” Gabriel asked, risking his head as it seemed. But this time she calmed down by herself. She pouted in defeat. “Whatever. I don’t care,” Beelzebub murmured, shoving the whole fruit down her throat to devour it.

Gabriel smiled. “I knew you liked it. Right away.”

“Holy hell.”

“’cause your radiation changed to something pleasantly surprised,” he added as she side-eyed him. “You can’t fool me anymore.”

“Speaking of which,” she remembered, “you’re bloody beaming. If you don’t want to use the tele-miracle, we could just” – she shrugged – “directly go to Earth.”

“Okay,” Gabriel said thoughtfully. “Then how will I know where you are?”

“I’ll find you,” Beelzebub said.

He frowned. “How?”

“Man, you’re bloody beaming,” she repeated and finally faced him. “You’re like a supernova. Your stinky radiation smells, like, thousands of miles against the fucking wind.”

“I smell?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah, sunshine, by now I know what you smell like,” she said and turned away, cursing something under her breath, but Gabriel kept looking at her. She could find him anywhere? That’s pretty impressive. “You’re good,” he said.

“I’m bad,” she protested.

“No,” Gabriel said, “I mean, as in – you can do a lot of cool stuff. You’re pretty cool, Beez.” He gave her a smile, even though she wasn’t looking. “I’m fortunate to have you as a friend,” he concluded and turned to watch the ocean, just like she did. _A friend_. When he realized what he had said, he wanted to apologize immediately, but Beelzebub’s radiation softened. “No one has ever given me a nickname. Ever,” she said.

Hat peeped softly.

“I’m glad you like it then, Prince of Hell,” Gabriel said and watched her smile. He had never seen her smile like that. So she didn’t mind being called his friend either? “If you’d always smile like this when you’re on Earth, I’d have no trouble finding you either,” Gabriel said, but Beelzebub shivered at that.

“Don’t talk so… angelic,” she buzzed. “Holy hell, you should hear yourself speak sometimes.”

Gabriel just smiled at that. At least she wanted to talk with him at all. She could groom wings, and she invented stuff. Sometimes it truly hurt Gabriel to hear how badly she was treated by her colleagues, it was so unfair. But she could manage it. Beelzebub was awesome. And she was his friend.

It was then when he figured he should finally get rid of the Holy water. Friends don’t need that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Steel Panther version of this song slaps so damn hard you guys;;


	13. Mi Mi Mi/Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve mixed lyrics from Betty Who’s Taste into this (which is a big time Bureaucracy song imo, if they ever get their own series this must be the opening song).

One thing Beelzebub could still not quite wrap her head around was this strange body cult Gabriel had going on. He had an actual schedule for physical exercise, he referred to his body as a ‘temple’ and he never ate. Never. It was actually hysterical how grossed out he was by it.

But what drove Beelzebub absolute insane is how he _knew_. He showed off. He knew he made a good-looking human – tall, handsome face, broad shoulders. If it wasn’t for that nasty radiation… She’d have a bite.

The worse they are, the better they taste.

Beelzebub sat down on a stone and watched him do the poses for Hat again. She poked her nose, thinking. “Have you ever actually looked at those Greek statues?” she called.

“I have,” he assured her. “Very pretty.”

She grinned at her bogey. “They’re all naked though,” she joked and realised she had said that out loud when it was already too late.

“Ohh, Beez, you’re right. Thanks for the reminder.”

She held her face as he miracled his clothes away and almost made Hat faint right in front of him. For all things unholy, don’t look, she thought. You’re a Prince of Hell, you’re the shadows in the night, you have dignity. Don’t you look.

Muscular back. Tight arse.

She looked. Her whole body filled with blood and ebullition at the sight of his back alone. His skin. Fuck. But she made him worry. “Whoah, what’s with the heat? Are you alright?” Gabriel called and turned around. _Fuck_.

“Ahh, I see,” he grinned, and Beelzebub buried her boiling face in her hands. Her whole body burned and contracted in arousal. “I see how it is, Beez,” she heard him sing. He came closer.

“You’re jealous,” Gabriel sang.

“I’m not!” Beelzebub screamed, glad that he was so fucking slow off the mark. “And even if I was – it’s a deadly sin, it’s part of my job!”

“I can sense it,” he smirked, “but you don’t have to be. Not everybody is as blessed as I am. The body God gave me looks dashing, doesn’t it? You can honor your body by exercising, too.” She should tell him to get dressed. She wasn’t looking anyway, she could just as well tell him to get bloody dressed. But should she look? The temptation was too much to handle.

An angel tempted her. If Beelzebub wouldn’t be off-duty, she’d be dead by now. The sacrifices she made for this damn angel!

“Get drezzzzed,” Beelzebub buzzed quietly.

“What, why? I don’t get to see my hips so often. I like them.”

“You like clothes too, so get dressed,” she snarled, close to liquefaction.

“Why?”

“By the devil, why are you so stupid?” she yelled in a blaze of hell fire. She couldn’t hold it any longer and called, “Where’s your packet?”

“Packet?” Gabriel blinked, finally dressed again. Hat wept and shed a single tear in his arms.

“Yes,” Beelzebub called. “Private parts. Nether regions. Your legs don’t just end _there_.”

His face lightened up with a silent ‘oh’. “Those really weird things, you mean! What was the name again? Genitalia? Sounds more Italian than Greek. Anyway, they looked too complicated, I couldn’t be bothered with those.”

He smiled. Beelzebub was speechless. She couldn’t care less about _genitalia_, but somehow… she was disappointed. Having none at all wasn’t any fun. “You could’ve tried,” she said.

“What? No!” he frowned. “I’ve seen the blueprints all the way back, and I’ve seen the Greek statues. The dangly parts” – Beelzebub was close to exploding – “are way too complicated.”

“Well, you could always go for a vagina instead,” she sang to channel her internal screaming.

Gabriel looked shocked. “Are you blind? Those are even more complex and complicated! Gender is really complicated, Beez.”

“It’zz really not.”

“It totally is! Even humans themselves don’t get it. Err, for instance, presenting as male is so much easier than literally any other gender! Humans treat you one thousand times more respectfully as a man.”

Beelzebub kicked a stone and said, “If you need that to make people respect you, you’re doing it wrong.”

Gabriel let Hat rest on his shoulder and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “It’s not me,” he flipped, “it’s the humans! Once I did go female presenting, and guess what happened?”

All Beelzebub could do was hum, because that information had just triggered the mental image of a six-foot-tall female Gabriel grabbing some arsehole’s wrist to keep him in place, _threatening_ him while flashing him the most gorgeous smile –

_“We’ve had such a fun time, and now you’re doing this to me. Hmm, what a pity.  
If you don’t go around loving and respecting thy neighbor the next time I see you, you die.”_

“Hello, still there?” Gabriel asked.

“Sure,” Beelzebub lied. She kicked an even bigger stone and screamed when she felt two big arms hug her from behind. “You’re still so wrought up,” he said, and she could literally feel his voice in his rib cage that was touching hers.

“Let go of me, dipshit!” she yelled and kicked his leg, making him wince. She turned to face him, nostrils flaring. Hat returned to her and huddled in her hair.

“Your fly is blushing,” the angel teased, but it was already too much for Beelzebub to handle. They continued their walk with Beelzebub ablating almost half of the cliff coast, because the way Gabriel told the story of him going female presenting was really fucking close to what she had fantasised about. What a bad angel. With her lust for him, Beelzebub could’ve paid for another thousand sinners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had a nice Sunday lmfao
> 
> My dream casting for fem!Gabe will always be Gal Gadot. And guess what I found out? She and Jon Hamm did a film together! It’s called “Disaster Bi: The Movie” and it has rUinED me!! 10/10 would cry over again!!


	14. Dancing Lasha Tumbai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have Strong Feelings™ about Gabriel being a kinky bastard.

Gabriel was always looking for new ways of exercising. Swimming was nice, but you needed water for that. Running was good as well, but you needed long distances for that. Gymnastics were cool too, but who had the nerve for all that complicated gym equipment? Point is, there isn’t that much left for Gabriel to try out. He complained about it to Beelzebub, and as always, she knew exactly what to do: “Well, have you tried dancing?”

“Dancing?” Gabriel asked.

“You know, when people move their body to some music and-”

“I know what dancing is, B. I’m not stupid.”

She snorted.

“It’s just that…” He frowned. “Angels don’t dance. Even if I tried, I don’t know whether it’s physically possible for me to do that.”

She blinked. “You’re the one who ran across the fucking Antarctic for seven days straight,” she reminded him. “Granted, that doesn’t mean you’re automatically good at dancing, but the basics are there. Besides, luckily” – she smirked – “you have the greatest instructor right here with you.”

He gave her a flashy smile. Lucky indeed.

“So,” Beelzebub began and gave Hat a boop on their fluffy black face, “play us some music.” Hat opened a gaping maw Gabriel didn’t even know they had and started playing fast paced music from their mouth. It sounded weird, but he decided (just in time before opening his mouth) that it would probably be clever to not comment on Beelzebub’s taste in music. She pulled up her pant legs a bit and they magically stayed in their position, only to reveal something that looked like tiny fishing nets over her ankles.

“What are those?” Gabriel asked.

“Fish net stockings,” Beelzebub replied, tapping her feet as she got out of her jacket. But this time it wasn’t out of impatience, it was in sync with the rhythm of the music. Her bopping head made her hair look even fluffier than usual.

“Come on,” she said casually, “get rid of that jacket.” Her radiation was already getting warmer.

Gabriel tossed it on top of Beelzebub’s jacket and imitated her foot tapping. “Good start,” she commented. “Now use your arms like me.”

“How is this exercising?” Gabriel asked, feeling terribly ridiculous. Good thing they were alone in the tundra.

“If that’s too slow for you, just speed it up,” Beelzebub called, spinning around. “That’s good especially when you’re angry. Just stay on the beat. One, two, eins, zwei…”

“It’s difficult,” Gabriel sighed and watched Beelzebub more closely. How did she think of all these movements? Was there a pool of dance moves to choose from?

“Give me a tip,” he begged, not daring to stop. Hat was still going strong with the music.

“Hm, let me think,” Beelzebub called, turning to look at him while still moving her arms. “You could combine your two favourite thingzz,” she suggested with a grin. “What do you mean?” Gabriel asked, not in the mood to think about what his two favorite things were.

“Physical exercise and showing off, dumbass,” Beelzebub laughed.

“But I can’t show off if I’m bad at it,” Gabriel sighed. But then he understood – “I can show off the temple of my-”

“Celestial body,” they both said in unison. Ha, awesome! Gabriel figured he should then make use of his hands. Oh, and the hips! Don’t forget the hips! Gabriel still watched Beelzebub for inspiration, but he got distracted – he had underestimated what beautiful of a body part ankles were. Not as beautiful as eyes, but still – he was surprised to find them so appealing to look at. “Can I touch those?” he asked over the increasingly loud music.

“Touch what?” Beelzebub asked while shaking her head, making flies escape her ears. He had to wave them away, seeing how he was towering over her. Beez was so small.

“Your ankles,” he said, dancing closer to her.

“Try it and you’ll burn,” she threatened him. Ere Gabriel could react, she pulled him down by his beautiful tie, foreheads touching in a playful glare. He smirked. “Getting warmer here, huh?” he asked.

“Then I’m doing it right, big boy,” said Beelzebub and pulled away. She started singing now too, but Gabriel was still busy finding those one-two to count on. She called him big boy! He liked that.

Over the course of the dance, Beelzebub was getting so hot that she ripped off her blouse’s sleeves. Gabriel figured it would be appropriate to do the same to own shirt, as this wasn’t his best one anyway. Turned out you didn’t even need music to dance, because halfway through, Hat fell asleep and Beelzebub and he sang their own music. They danced the whole night, and it was, indeed, good physical exercise, especially the times when Gabriel found Beelzebub’s blue eyes watching him as he moved. He did not know why, but it excited him. Peculiar.

_La-la-la-la-la…!_  
_Tanzen!_  
_La-la-la-la-la…!_  
_Ok! Happy End_


	15. Is She Really Going Out With Him?

Even though he didn’t eat himself, Gabriel respected Beelzebub’s affection for eating. As an angel, he could not hate anything, but considering how grossed out he was by the physical act of eating, it would’ve been easy for him to dismiss her or ask her to not do it when she was with him.

But he didn’t. Because, she figured, he might just be a decent guy. An angel still. But a decent one. Maybe he tried accepting her eating just like she tried accepting his love for clothing.

Lately they liked to visit America more often. After the great war, the states were thriving. Hollywood was a fun place, but so were small villages all over the continent. Thanks to the many immigrant families, Beelzebub had a wide array of food stuff to choose from in a relatively small area. Gabriel accompanied her to every single place she wanted to go to.

One thing she really dug was a food called fairy floss – even though the name had irritated her at first.

“It doesn’t even taste of fairies,” she had said.

“Thank God.”

“Hey, you’ve never eaten a fairy, you have no zzay in this.”

When they went to an amusement park this time, Beelzebub spotted a lot of new stalls. One even sold fairy floss. Gabriel offered to go buy her some. “Excuse me,” he beamed, clearly trying. “I would like to purchase your… food. It’s not for me,” he added quickly, “it’s for my friend over there.”

“The lady?” The human smiled. “In that case, it’s free, for the love birdies.”

“What?”

“Here you go, sir.”

He handed Gabriel the fluff ball on a stick, and Beelzebub immediately took it. And a second one from the display area and stuffed them both into her mouth. The vendor screamed in horror.

“Dear sir,” Beelzebub growled after she finished eating, “it is an atrocity that you call these fairy floss when they contain zero fairies. Change the name.”

The human fainted, and Beelzebub had a good laugh, and even the angel joint her in laughing. He was relaxed despite the food. They strolled around and played with Hat as they went looking for more food. Two grown up humans passed them by. They had a small human in-between them and took both its hands.

“One, two, three, whee!” And they swung the small human forward. Urgh, cute. They smelled of domestic bliss, and ere Beelzebub could stop him, Gabriel took Hat and said, “Let’s do that, too. Come on, B, take their leg.”

Hat wept in panic. “One,” Beelzebub counted.

“Two,” said Gabriel, swinging his arm in unison with hers.

“Three,” they said together.

“Wheeee!” Hat screamed as they tossed them away. Hat flew away in a spectacularly high arc, but at an angle, because Gabriel’s arm was much bigger than Beelzebub’s. “Oh,” he said. Hat buzzed down angrily at them from up in the air, but Beelzebub had a good laugh.

“Y’know,” Gabriel said to her after she was finished with her ambush on the ice cream joint, “Hat looked happy up in the air.”

Hat protested with angry buzzing.

“I think we… should try flying too,” he said with a sweet smile.

“What?”

“Y’know, soaring the sky a bit. ‘s been a long time since I’ve last done that,” he murmured. He still kept the smile.

“Okay,” Beelzebub agreed and threw her drink away. Her eyes lingered on his shoulders a bit too long – “You don’t need to check them again,” Gabriel said, “I’ve groomed them myself.”

“Oh. Good,” she said.

“You sound surprised,” he joked nervously.

“Well, I’m less surprised than proud,” Beelzebub managed to say. Who would’ve thought? She drew a bubble of miracles around them and unfolded her wings. Gabriel did the same, but his rays were humpy and nervous.

“C’mon, big buy,” Beelzebub said impatiently and pulled him up in the air by his hand. It was still warm. Ahh, this felt good! Stretching the wings was important, but actually spreading them and fly was something else. How she had missed this – wind in hair, gravity totally unimportant, the feeling of freedom.

To fly again had been the angel’s best idea yet.

They soared the sky above New York City, the street canyons and the water surface of the great river. Beelzebub saw her wings’ reflections on the wavy surface, in-between all the city lights. She let her hand touch the cold water as she flew above it. When Gabriel tried the same, he crashed badly and Beelzebub had to pull him out of the water by his foot.

“You can let me go now,” he called somewhen, very hurt in his angelic dignity.

“No,” she laughed.

“Please, B!”

“You’re out of practice. Besides, you need to dry first.” She messed with him for a little bit longer until they landed on top of a particularly high building in the midst of some doves. Here, they sat beside each other, Hat on Beelzebub’s head, and watched the city. Gabriel’s wings had dried and returned to their fluffy condition. But he was constantly complaining about how cold he was.

“Miracle yourself dry then,” Beelzebub said, scratching her back.

“I already did that! I’m still freezing,” he uttered.

“Miracle yourself warm then,” Beelzebub groaned. “Bloody hell, it’s not that difficult.”

Gabriel’s teeth chattered annoyingly, and he covered his body with shivering arms. Small puffs of breath crystalised in front of his mouth. But his radiation was warm. “You’ve been in far colder territories,” Beelzebub remarked. What was wrong with him?

“Do you want me to set you on fire?” she asked with a nasty laugh.

“Why should I?” he murmured in a grumpy voice.

“Aw,” Beelzebub buzzed, “big boy’zz freezing his precious little arse off.”

“I’d like to keep my butt, thank you,” Gabriel replied in annoyance, shuddering, and Beelzebub felt her features soften. She had these moments a lot lately. Moments when all malice vanished from her demon body. She reached out for him, the big dumb angel. She warmed up her radiation and heard him sigh.

“Thank you, B. Ahh, that’s lovely.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Beelzebub saw him looking at her, face all soft, radiation stinking with angelic love. However, his eyes were strangely dark. He looked devastatingly handsome in the city’s musty light, and then he flinched, because Beelzebub’s own radiation had reached a heat level she didn’t know she was capable of.

Fuck. Something was definitely wrong around here.


	16. Don't Tell Me You Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one knows what Crowley is actually doing lol

Just when you thought humanity had had enough of wars and was ready to move on to the next century, they fudged another excuse to blow each other up again. Crowley got the credit, really. Europa was a mess right now, already out the window. The rest of the world would join soon.

It’s not that Beelzebub didn’t like wars. Wars were a perfect opportunity to collect sins and souls. Happy hour, so to speak.

But it also meant more work.

Beelzebub had a short time window to meet up with the angel before the next big blow. She really didn’t know what was going on, but soon she would be called back into office for more paperwork. She met Gabriel in a field of snow somewhere in Russia. They were still far away from the front, so Gabriel would not feel obligated to perform miracles to save lives or so.

He wore a jumper.

“It’s minus forty degrees,” Beelzebub said.

“That’s why I’m wearing this,” he said proudly.

“If you really want to blend in, you need more than a bloody jumper. But there’s no one here anyway, so…”

“I just love this one,” he beamed. And Beelzebub had to agree. Turtlenecks fit him criminally well. What a shame she would not see more of it. Unless…

“You should wear turtlenecks more often,” she sniffed, trying to sound as casual as possible. But yet again, her radiation gave her away. Gabriel didn’t comment on it. Instead he began telling the latest horrible work stories and let Beelzebub tell some in return. She caught herself thinking yet again what a good listener he was.

And that bloody jumper looked really fucking soft.

“It’s a wool and cotton mixture,” Gabriel explained. “It’s super soft. Not as soft around the body as silk, but still soft, and much warmer. What did you call it, ‘turtleneck’?”

Beelzebub raised her chin. “Yes. Must be nice.” Her ankles weren’t as cold as they should be. She could use a hood for Hat, they were shuddering.

“By the way, your eyes,” Gabriel said, “look really nice today. Must be the blue sky.”

Beelzebub hummed.

To her horror, she still wanted to touch the jumper, and not in a sinful, grinding way. Not at all. Shit. Was she this touch-starved? How did the wool feel on his skin? How would it feel on _her_ skin?

Beelzebub took a deep breath of winter air. She began with: “Can I… err.” She quickly aborted.

“Can what?” Gabriel asked with a smile.

“I gotta go soon,” Beelzebub lied. Wait, what was she doing? Stupid demon prince!

“Oh, really? What a shame.”

“Yeah.”

“Guess it can’t be helped,” Gabriel said in a disappointed tone. There was a pause. “Before I go,” said Beelzebub, snow cracking under her feet, “can I… can I touch the jumper?”

He blinked. “Err, sure.”

“It just looks so fluffy.”

“It is, it’s super soft.”

“Yeah, really nice.” She didn’t move. Although she was burning away in this stupid snow desert, Beelzebub was frozen. Gabriel raised his eyebrows in questioning. Temptation pulling stronger, but it wasn’t lust, it was something else. _Not sinful._

Now he opened his arms.

“Fuck it,” Beelzebub buzzed. Without anything stopping her, she stepped forward, surrounded by these opened arms of soft grey wool. Irradiated by stinky angelic love radiation. It felt like stepping into a wildfire. Beelzebub closed her eyes and let her hand touch the angel’s chest. She smiled. The wool was so soft beneath her fingertips…

“That is not how you test a jumper,” she heard Gabriel say. From where her fingers touched him, a tendril of angelic glow grew up, up, up her arm, drawing her in.

Beelzebub opened her eyes and saw Gabriel squatting, purple eyes right in front of her. “Don’t,” she said.

He chuckled and straightened up, opening his arms again. “May I?” he asked quietly. The tendril paused growing, waiting.

Beelzebub felt terrible. This was unfair – how was she supposed to say no when his eyes were pleading her like this? When he went out of his way to make sure his radiation would not hurt her? When she needed this so badly? Weakling.

Beelzebub gave in to temptation. She nodded, and then she leaned in as two warm arms embraced her, surrounding her with softness. Not only in the fabric, but also in Gabriel’s glow. It was still beaming of love, but Beelzebub didn’t mind. It felt amazing. It smelled amazing.

“Now that’s how you test a jumper,” he snickered, rubbing a thumb on her back.

Beelzebub felt like disintegrating. Her body was tiny in front of his, her darkness was small in his light. Her heartbeat was pathetic compared to his, which she could feel pounding against her own chest.

“Getting warmer,” he said and rubbed his nose against her shoulder.

“What’zzz thizz suppozzed to be?” she asked.

“You asked,” he murmured, still hugging her. She pulled away, rough hands resting on soft fabric. Gabriel’s eyes were soft, too. The glow brightened around them, puffing up the radiation to match the bloody sun in the sky. But the sky was gone. There was only light, one Archangel’s giant halo about to burst from love.

Gabriel softened even further, and then he opened his mouth to speak. “Beez, I-”

“Don’t,” she interrupted.

The corner of his mouth twitched. “You didn’t know what I was gonna say,” he whispered, smiling.

“I don’t want to know,” said Beelzebub and pulled away. Fuck. She was not ready to be confronted with this reality.

“It’s nothing bad, I swear,” he said, letting her go. “It’s something angelic,” she said and looked to the white ground. The snow was blinding. Gabriel exhaled. “How bad can it be when angels say it all the time?” he asked.

“It’s your nature,” Beelzebub snapped.

“Beez, you’re my friend.”

“But I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know.”

His face saddened. “Has anyone ever said it to you? Because I’ve been wanting to say it to you for some time now,” he said, halo slightly dimming.

“No one has ever said it to me, and I’m okay with that,” Beelzebub spat, demonic winds lifting her up. “I know how _you_ say that word. If you want to use so inflationarily, then please, by all meanzz” – she briefly closed her eyes – “go for it. But I. Don’t. Want it.”

Gabriel was a dumbass, but he must understand this, mustn’t he? His eyes sparkled. “Beez, love is nothing to be afraid of,” he said. “Please, don’t be afraid.”

Beelzebub gave up. He wasn’t the angel she had met back in Mesopotamia. Or at Eden’s ruins. That Gabriel had no intent to show a demon anything. And now this –

Hat wept silently, and Beelzebub left for the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort of turning point and boy, I have so much fun writing this. Thank you for all your sweet comments everyone <3


	17. P.S. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my faves to write!! The song is from the Mad Men soundtrack and I love it to death.

The next time, they met in a place called Little Italy, which didn’t make much sense, because it was in America. Not that Gabriel cared or actually knew, but Beelze was complaining about this a lot. Maybe it’s only called ‘Little’ Italy because it’s not the real thing, Gabriel figured. It’s not the real Italy, but a miniature version of it. (A weird version where clothes were being hanged in-between the houses.)

Beelzebub and he set down on a rooftop and complained about their latest work stories, the second big war especially, but Beelzebub had surprisingly little to tell. Somewhen, she fell totally silent. Gabriel stopped caressing Hat to have a look at her. She looked bummed. Was she still angry with him?

After a while he asked, “Come on, what is it that you wanna tell me?”

Beelzebub looked away.

“You can’t hide it, I’m nobody’s fool,” Gabriel said in a happy tone to cheer her up. She shifted, small legs swinging. “Some things were happening lately,” she said. “I… was offered a promotion. Bigger office, more possibilities.”

Gabriel smiled. “Splendid! Wow, that’s nice for you. When will you start?”

Beelzebub shifted again. Her voice was all low when she said, “I declined, actually.”

“What?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “They offered it to me because of Crowley’s recent achievements on Earth.”

“Crowley?” Gabriel asked.

“Our representative on Earth.”

“Ahh, right.”

“Prepared another World War and all that. I’ve been supervising him since the Beginning, and they wanted to… reward me for it,” Beelzebub said.

“But that’s amazing, B!” Gabriel said. She still sounded so bummed out. The sad radiation made Gabriel all emotional. He placed Hat on her head, trying to think of something to say. “Your work is finally getting acknowledged,” he smiled with a bump to her side, but she was still all quiet.

“The position was some made-up thing. King of Hell or so,” she said.

Gabriel gasped. “I could’ve been friends with the King of Hell. I don’t believe it! B, why did you decline?” he asked.

“Because I’d have no time off anymore. It’d be a full-time job, that’s why,” she said louder. Finally she turned her head to face him. “And seeing how you think about meeting during business hours… I said no,” she murmured.

Gabriel frowned and folded his hands to process everything. “Wow. That’s… actually very sweet of you,” he said. “But unfortunate as well. Finally you were getting the praise you deserve.”

Beelzebub shrugged. “I don’t care. Let’s go for some pizza already, I’m starving.”

They went for a special place to eat, on top of a roof where humans were singing and sitting at tables under colorful light bulbs. A big table in the middle was miraculously free, and they sat down. Gabriel watched Beelzebub devour these flat round breads as if they were nothing. “Another one,” he carefully said to the human that was valeting them. But the next bread was gone just as fast. The slave had brought Gabriel one too, but he cautiously shoved the plate over to Beelzebub, whose blue eyes sparkled at the sight. With another demonic growl, the seventh bread was gone as well. The food smelled terrible, but Beelzebub on the other hand…

Now she smelled of pure bliss and happiness, as always when she ate. But this dish must be especially delicious to her. The music was nice, too. “You,” Beelzebub ordered the human, “another one.” She swung her legs under the table and smiled at Gabriel in anticipation of the next bread, blue eyes sparkling with joy. He smiled back. Despite just having scrubbed a promotion, she was beaming. Had she ever been this happy? How glorious.

Beelzebub snatched the bread from the slave’s hands ere he could place the plate on their table, and his facial expression was hilarious. He left in shock, and as Beelzebub and Hat buzzed in triumph, Gabriel laughed. Drying his eyes from laughing tears, he sniffed, “Oh, Beez, I just love you.”

Hat sighed yearningly and snuggled up against his hand on the tablecloth, but Beelzebub just looked at him over the table’s candles, radiation crawling back inside her body. She did not order another bread.

They went to another roof to part ways. It felt more appropriate.

“I know I shouldn’t have said that,” Gabriel murmured. “I apologize.” He flapped his arms as Beelzebub swayed without looking at him. “I just can’t help it,” he sighed.

She pouted, restraint. “Because you’re an angel.”

“Because you looked happy,” Gabriel said. “Because it’s what friends say to each other,” he added, even though the only person in the universe he ever called a friend was Beelzebub herself. Gabriel felt his face soften as he grabbed something behind his back. “Here,” he said, handing her a pile of those stupid bread cartons.

With a questioning expression, Beelzebub took them (which made her disappear behind the pile for a brief moment).

“They won’t miss them, they can bake new ones,” Gabriel said. He searched for her eyes, hoping she would like these, but Beelzebub only looked up fleetingly. She sighed, smiling. “Thank you,” she said. Hat purred happily.

In a sparkling pop, they were gone. Gabriel stood alone on the roof and observed the nightly city, but it was strange to watch humans recovering from the last war with such frivolity when he himself felt so sad. So instead, he looked up into the starry sky.

Was he more important to her than her work was? A small miracle was the least he could give her then.

Nothing left to do here then. With a snap, Gabriel disappeared.


	18. Uptown Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a rush, I have outlined a full thing for this one, no joke. What do you mean, I can’t take this pop song about working class/uptown Manhattan romance and turn it into a far too fleshed out Bureaucracy AU hahahA;; (What I’m saying is that Gabriel is basically Christie Brinkley)

They visited urban areas increasingly in the next years, which was always an opportunity for Beelzebub to do some temptations before meeting up with Gabriel. At least up here she had the motivation for it. And Gabriel was trying very hard to not upset her again, and that was surprisingly considerate, Beelzebub found. For a wank-wings idiot. He had given her pizza. Had he stolen it? An angel, stealing? (None of this was fair, really.)

His radiation was more cheerful too, as of lately, she had noticed. Sometimes he would hum a song or even whistle. And when it was particularly stinky and overflowing with emotion, he would even break out into song and dance.

It had started with her wanting to watch him dance, to lust after him. But ever so often Beelzebub regretted teaching him. Not only was he very good at it, dancing was a solely demonic activity, and Gabriel sullied it with his own angelic twist on the matter. Disgusting. Did he know what he was doing? Claiming a demon habit as his catalyser for both joy _and_ aggression?

_Uptown girl_  
_ She’s been living in her uptown world_  
_ I bet she’s never had a backstreet guy_  
_ I bet her mama never told her why_

“You know nothing about evil stuff,” Beelzebub called. Gabriel was walking a few feet in front of her, or, well, he was dancing a few feet in front of her. The town was quiet at night and the dirty streets were lonely except for the two of them.

“I know a great deal about evil stuff and how to destroy it,” Gabriel called as he waved his ridiculously big arms around. Beelzebub ate her sandwich in one go. “Well,” she said, “you know dancing. And you know me.”

Gabriel faltered in his movements. “What do you mean?” he asked and turned around. “You’re not evil stuff, B. Well, you are evil, but not evil-evil, y’know? Big difference.”

She laughed. “Does it really make a difference?”

He frowned in (overplayed?) irritation. “Err, yeah? Silly Prince of Hell. Just like dancing.” He grimaced. “No evil stuff. Can’t destroy it.”

It actually made her giggle. Gabriel turned around to continue singing (in the middle of the bloody night, mind you) and practically making Beelzebub stare at his butt _deliberately_. He even wore exclusively turtlenecks when he met her now.

_And when she’s walking_  
_ She’s looking so fine_

Beelzebub was almost hundred percent sure that he didn’t know he could perform temptations, but she couldn’t be entirely sure, could she? Gabriel was such a strange blend of natures. Part of him was formed by her, no doubt. At least the stealing was. But how much of an Archangel had been in him ever since the Beginning? Ever since Heaven? From what Gabriel was telling her all the time, it wasn’t the picture-perfect place the angels wanted it to be. That stinky penthouse would traumatise anyone, Beelzebub thought. No wonder he’s a little bit bad at heart.

_You know I’ve seen her in her uptown world_  
_ She’s getting tired of her high-class toys_  
_ And all her presents from her uptown boys_  
_ She’s got a choice_

Beelzebub continued to watch him dance and sing, and ate another sandwich as she did. A stray dog joined him. Gabriel was getting better at dancing, but it still looked silly and annoying. However, for all her complaining – at least he danced at all. That had been a successful undertaking. Hat liked dancing with him too, naturally. He was more of a natural talent than Beelzebub herself was, if you considered his angelic body. Hey, credit where credit is due.

Pondering, she chewed as his reflection shone on the wet street. Maybe he’d just been looking for a dance teacher all along, so to speak. For someone evil to tickle his own darkness out of his angelic body.

For a demon.

In that case, she was his demon, wasn’t she? No, Beelzebub said to herself, furiously shaking her head as if by reflex. It was the other way around. He was hers. He was in her claws. Just like he had made her all sentimental and transformed her lust into something way different, she had taken something out of his heart and put it front and center. The dark sparkles in his eyes proved it.

_She’s been living in her white bread world_  
_ As long as anyone with hot blood can_  
_ And now she’s looking for a downtown man_  
_ That’s what I am_

“You sound fucking horrible, stop it already.”

“I won’t!”

“You’re mine, you do as I say,” she called, but not without snorting all giggly. He just laughed and swung Hat around, who happily peeped into the rainy night, and the dog barked. He didn’t even think of her as evil. What a stupid fucking lovely idiot. If she wasn’t evil, then who was? Careless, she joined his dancing.

_Uptown girl, she’s my uptown girl…_


	19. The Sound Of Music

Gabriel was beaming. He couldn’t wait to tell Beelzebub about his newest obsession. Ever since he first heard them, he was humming and whistling these songs in his office or on his way to business meetings. If he was ever to lay eyes upon God’s face, this music would play, no doubt.

He met with Beelzebub in great anticipation, but she immediately stepped back and gagged. “What the hell!” she called. “You gotta warn people before attacking them with… that. Urgh.”

“It’s the joy, isn’t it?” he grimaced. “Good.”

“No. Not good. Holy hell, I almost had a stroke.”

Gabriel laughed, but then he saw her face. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“No.”

“Gosh, I’m sorry, B,” Gabriel apologized in honesty.

She softened. “Accepted. Who can be this happy?” Beelzebub asked, but she sounded more confused than malicious.

“You’re happy when you eat,” he recalled. “And it makes you beautiful. Joy brings out people’s beauty. Like the blue sky brings out your blue eyes.”

“Zzztop it,” she buzzed, crossing her arms, pulsating.

“But you are happy when you eat,” he said with a giggle.

“Because eating is the bezzt,” she said. “It fuels one’s gluttony and it tastes fun. It’s fun to chew and swallow (Did she have to be this graphic?) and all that. But you’re just happy by default, and sometimes it gets annoying, that’s all.”

“That’s… semi-true,” Gabriel defended himself. “There are times when I’m sad. Or frustrated, because of work. I guess I’m happy when I’m with you. Oh, and right now I’m such a… what’s the word you use? _Sucker_, for music.”

She shifted. “Really?”

“Yes! I found one brilliant thing while checking up on Aziraphale the other day.”

“Who?”

“Our divine representative on Earth.”

“Ah, right.”

“Here.” Gabriel miracled the songbook into his hands. “It’s called a ‘musical’. A story, but with songs and dancing. Those are some of the most beautiful songs I have ever had the pleasure to listen to. And those, lyrics, good God!” He closed his eyes in ardent faith. “So beautiful! And useful! ‘Climb every mountain’ is so true to the core of what an angel should do in God’s Great Plan, it’s great motivation for my workers. Just amazing,” he sighed. But Beelzebub shuddered. “I am about to throw up if you don’t zztop talking right now,” she growled.

“Don’t! It’s beautiful! Very touching,” Gabriel said and eyed the book in his hands. If all humans proclaimed their love to God in such glorious ways as this Rodgers and Hammerstein, more angels would like them, surely.

“Thank you so much, B,” Gabriel sighed, “for showing me dancing and singing – it changed the way I listen to music and it has given me so much pleasure.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” she spat, picking her nose.

“I’m serious,” Gabriel said and picked her up to hug her. She screamed violently. “Put me down! Put me the fuck down! You will burn!”

“Just a moment,” he murmured, nose rubbing her neck, and Beelzebub did indeed relax. “Thank you,” Gabriel said, smiling.

She growled.

“You smell of warm indulgence,” he noticed with a chuckle, holding her tiny body close.

“So?” she asked.

“I love it,” he grinned and put her down onto her feet again. “Makes you beautiful,” he added with a wink.

“Will you stop it,” she said, eyes widening with annoyance. She formed a flame between her fingers and eyed the songbook in Gabriel’s hands. He flinched in panic. “No! Why would you do that?”

“Becauzzze I don’t like it,” she buzzed.

“You don’t even know it!” Gabriel argued. “Which is surprising, to be honest! I’m sure you’ll like it once you listen to it. It takes place during your last big war. How cool is that? I’m sure it’ll interest you.”

Beelzebub rolled her eyes and strengthened the fire in her hand. Gabriel stepped back. He looked at the book’s cover with affection. “You wouldn’t do that. This will be played in Heaven forever. I will teach everyone to sing along,” he said, getting ready.

Beelzebub could feel it. “No,” she warmed him, flame spitting.

Gabriel closed his eyes in concentration.

“I’m fucking seriouzzz, if you start singing now, I’m going to fucking lozzze it. Gabriel!”

“THE HILLS-”


	20. Feasting on the Blood of the Insane

Gabriel’s rendition of the theme song of ‘The Sound of Music’ was cut short by the growl of Beelzebub transforming into a big, bloody, scruffy version of herself. Gabriel fell back onto his butt and looked up at the horror show towering above him.

This would be one of the occasions which Beelzebub commented on with ‘fuck’, he thought. The view was peculiar: Beelzebub was still there, but her skin was red as blood and her eyes gigantic. They resembled Hat’s eyes, he thought. Beelzebub was screaming and screaking from what was, according to its position on her face, her _mouth_ – but it was full of teeth, sharp jaws all over, like needles. And her radiation, oh. So crazy, so angry and pulsating – times ten. He’d never seen her like this.

Collecting the pages from his destroyed songbook (the evil winds were so strong suddenly), Gabriel called, “Are you alright? Good Lord, you’re loud!”

A deep growl, mixed with buzzing sounds, answered him: **“I am the dark of the night, I am the monster of hate.”**

“No, you’re not,” Gabriel murmured and picked up another page. Actual paper. Actual matter. He remembered why he hated it.

**“I am driven by unholy insanity and I slaughter and I kill.”**

“Those are the same words,” Gabriel reminded her, but Beelzebub continued glowing in this pulsating darkness, growling, **“The deranged will rule and this world will be devoured.”**

Gabriel stood up and beat some dust off his coat, but the wind blew new dirt right into his face.

F-

No! Good Heavens, think of your manners, Archangel.

“Before you go devour the world,” Gabriel called and miracled his songbook back into safety, “maybe I can besoothe your hunger with something else instead? Like, food?”

**“The blood of the insane is my food. I feed on the dead bodies of my enemies.”**

“No.” Gabriel frowned. “Something like… bread, I mean.” He miracled something from his memory into existence and let it float up, in front of Beelzebub’s… well, face. The two eyes twitched and the radiation paused its pulsating.

Gabriel grinned. “Looks good, doesn’t it?” he brought himself to say. It looked disgusting, it _smelled_ disgusting – “Don’t you wanna try it?”

Bridling screeching.

Gabriel exhaled. “Come on, B. I can’t talk to you like that. Come down, please. Then we can go eat something, if you like.”

**“Apologizzze.”**

“What?” he asked. There was a pause as some flies circled Beelzebub’s giant head. “Your skin tone looks awful,” he said, “you don’t seem very healthy.”

**“Fool! I am the dead of the night! I am-”**

Gabriel spoke over her. “You are a wonderful black-haired sweetie-pie,” he argued with opened arms, “and I’d like to hug you. So, come on down, please, B. For me.” He flashed her a smile and winked. She growled, grumbling.

“Also, I’m sorry for singing. Sorry,” Gabriel added.

The sudden jump of Beelzebub’s radiation sent him down onto his butt a second time, and he held up his hands to cover his face. But the glow had softened and the steps coming towards him were those of tiny feet, not of giant insect legs. Gabriel lowered his hands to see Beelzebub chewing the bread all nonchalantly. Hat was back on her head.

“Hey, welcome back,” Gabriel greeted and opened his arms.

“I won’t hug you,” she said, and he sighed at the sound of her cute, fast-speaking voice. She looked around with blue eyes. “I’ll enjoy watching you sit here in the dirt instead,” she said and stuck out her tongue. “What’s that bread? It’s terrible.”

“Of course it is,” Gabriel grimaced. It’s food, duh.

“Fitting for a terrible freak-out. Such a glorious look,” Beelzebub laughed and started cleaning her hands by rubbing them in her fly-like manner.

“I didn’t mind it,” Gabriel said, “but I can’t talk to you if you’re fifteen feet tall. Also, you didn’t seem very healthy. That form doesn’t do anything for your skin.”

She blinked, bent hands pausing. “That’s your opinion? You didn’t find it horrible?”

“The only horrible thing is the bread,” Gabriel smiled forcefully.

Beelzebub hummed and hawed a bit in her sweet radiation and Gabriel opened his arms again. “Still waiting for my hug,” he sang.

“I’m not fucking hugging you,” she spat and made him fly to his feet with a swipe of her head. Hat flew off and landed in Gabriel’s arms. He grinned and miracled his clothes clean. He really had had to _apologize_ to make her transform back. The wink hadn’t done it. Amazing.

Gabriel placed Hat back on Beelzebub’s head. “Do you really drink blood?” he remembered.

“Naah, that’s just a marketing gag.”

Oh, there it was, her weird tone again. “I’m serious, B. If you do like it, I can get you some from time to time,” Gabriel offered, adjusting his wing-shaped cufflinks. Beelzebub smiled. “That’d be nice,” she said and danced around as they walked toward the beach. Gabriel was almost sad that she didn’t react to him calling her ‘sweetie-pie’ – wait a minute. “What’s a pie?” Gabriel asked.

“This is.” She miracled one.

“Urgh! I’m sorry for calling you that. I picked it up somewhere with Aziraphale, I didn’t mean to –”

Beelzebub snorted and threw it right into his face.


	21. All Star

Gabriel had always dressed pretty chic, Beelzebub thought. Whatever humans were wearing, he always wore the latest and most beautiful, albeit simple version of it. Turtlenecks were not only sexy, they were timeless. He kept wearing them, and it drove Beelzebub insane.

Now, they were in a human clothing joint for, quote, ‘inspiration’. “I’m going to check up on Aziraphale tomorrow, so I need to know what humans are wearing right now,” Gabriel explained.

“You always dress in a pretty timeless manner, no need to worry,” Beelzebub said and touched one of the colourful shirts. Soft.

Gabriel flashed her a smile. “Why, thanks, B. Don’t you wanna look for inspiration, too?”

Beelzebub’s mouth twitched. “I like these long trousers,” she said with a smirk. They’d cover her ankles.

“Oh, I wouldn’t go for those,” Gabriel said immediately, “they make you look… even smaller, I suppose.” He looked at them with a frown, and then his eyes sprung to her ankles. “You’re such an idiot,” Beelzebub laughed and continued her stroll through the shop. So easy to tease. Who would’ve thought wearing shorter trousers would make her feel this powerful?

“I wish I could go back to female presenting just for the clothes. They look so nice,” Gabriel sighed as he eyed a white dress. He’d look amazing in it. “Why don’t you go back?” Beelzebub asked. “Or rather, why don’t you stop being a fucking twat about it and wear it anyway?”

He rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe it. B, what have I told you about gender-nonconforming presentation? Humans don’t like it. It is too conspicuous.”

“I couldn’t care lezzz. Especially if I was you. You don’t know shit, but apparently you know about gender conventions,” Beelzebub argued.

“Because humans can get pretty nasty if one doesn’t, that’s my whole point.”

“No one’s nasty towards me, gladly.”

“Yeah. If someone dared to insult you while I’m with you, I’d smite them right away,” he said so casually that Beelzebub’s mouth actually fell open. She shifted in protest and said, “No, you wouldn’t.”

Gabriel side-eyed her. “Well, let’s hope the situation will never arise. Oh, this one looks nice.”

“That’s too warm for this time of the year,” Beelzebub commented. She spotted a funny t-shirt and took it. “Look,” she laughed.

“That’s a clown in a graveyard,” Gabriel noted.

“Yeah! With rainbows! I’m taking it,” Beelzebub grinned and placed it on her body with a finger snap. “Well, as long as you enjoy it,” Gabriel sighed in disapprobation, but pointed her to a fitting pair of trainers right away. “Rainbow colors,” he said, thus making them rainbow colours.

“Thankzz,” Beelzebub beamed. They looked fun.

“I could go for these,” Gabriel said and pointed to a black pair of shoes. They’d fit him well. “How about these trousers?” Beelzebub asked and miracled them onto his body – tight, dark, very sexy. Holy hell. But Gabriel frowned, wiggling awkwardly. He murmured, “No, too tight. Oh fuck.”

There it was, like a lightning bolt. He had only uttered it under his breath, and yet Beelzebub was thrown through the whole shop, taking the clothing racks down with her. She couldn’t breathe and coughed up flies. She saw shooting stars. Shit. Shit, shit, shit!

“What the hell,” she coughed, crawling on all fours. Humans were gasping around her. It had happened, and it had hit her like a sucker punch. So much for being unsuspicious.

She heaved herself up, making the humans look elsewhere with a single powerful glare. Where was he? There! Gabriel was still at the shoes rack, but he looked around as if he didn’t know what had happened just now. The dark trousers were gone. He fucking whistled.

“Gabe!” Beelzebub screamed. He looked away.

“You bloody bastard,” she continued, but she stumbled because walking was difficult when she was boiling. The blood was rushing in her body’s veins. Urgh. She reached him with angry steps.

“Oh, B, there you are,” he smiled.

“You fucking bazzztard,” she buzzed, glowing with darkness, “don’t you dare play the innocent one.”

He blinked with his stupid purple eyes. “But I am innocent,” he said.

“You just cursed!” Beelzebub screamed, and his face hardened. “Fuck,” he uttered. Again – Beelzebub burst out into laughter. Wow. The angel had learned to curse. She taught an Archangel to curse! What a day! “This is hyzzzterical,” she buzzed, smacking a hand onto his shoulder that sent him down in pain.

“Let’s get away from this place, we need to celebrate,” she laughed.

“What?”

“Yes,” she smiled and adjusted his collar as he straightened up. His radiation softened, melting down to his feet. “Look at you,” he whispered, “on your toes to fix my coat.”

She shrugged and snorted. She got high on the sparkles in her blood. _He cursed_. Beelzebub looked up in pride to find his gentle eyes lingering on her. “Looking good,” she buzzed, stepping back. “To speak in your words: That’zz dapper attire right there. Just go like this, you don’t need anything else.”

Gabriel chuckled to the ground. He was unusually quiet, radiation feeling like frizz. “I’ll go pay for the shirt and the shoes,” he said.

“Pay?”

“Yes, humans pay for clothes,” he said, still all quiet and giggly. Was he blushing? What a day! But then he bowed down to her. With a hopeful smile, he asked, “Can you call me that again?”

“What?” she asked (with a laugh at the closeness), waving a human aside. “A bloody bastard? If you’re into that, fine, I can do that again.”

Gabriel frowned. “No… That other name. The nickname.” His awkward smile was full of hope, and Beelzebub remembered.

_Gabe._

She grinned. “No. You loser.”

“Not that one, I meant-”

Beelzebub laughed and stormed out of the shop, making the alarm beep and leaving the angel to clean up the mess. What a day! What a feeling, what a delight! She had fun, and it didn’t make sense not to live for fun. She heard him whistle a song as he followed her. Her new shoes felt like clouds beneath her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memes;; I like to imagine Gabriel whistling All Star from time to time :’) And that he learned to curse from Beelze.


	22. The Longest Time

Gabriel stared at a small human that its mother had placed in this place – he had yet to understand what was so super about this market – while she was buying food. She had left her child alone, here, in its chariot with some incomprehensible baby-speak and the words ‘I love you’.

There was something strange about the phrase, Gabriel had found. He wanted to say it to Beelzebub still, very badly, because he felt she’s the kind of person you’d say it to. Someone you called a friend, someone close, someone who listens. (Your child too, apparently.)

Lately he figured that the phrase had turned around for him, so to speak. Not only did he want to say it to Beelzebub – he _felt_ this for her. Love. Which shouldn’t be surprising, because he is a being of love as pure as it can be. But with Beelzebub, it seemed to have transcended a mere phrase and turned into practice.

Gabriel cared for her. Deeply so. Ever since the crusades he knew how much he needed her. And most importantly: the want. Gabriel wanted Beelzebub’s presence, her obscure smell, her smile, her funny stories and weird ideas. He thought about her when she wasn’t with him. He _wanted_ Beelzebub to be happy. The realization was as simple as that. ‘Love’ now had actual practices attached to it – care, need, want – but it wasn’t as overwhelming as Gabriel thought it should probably be. Still nothing to be afraid of. Well, it was in his nature after all. So, no big deal, he’d just continue like before.

Just the phrase… That phrase would feel different from now on, he felt.

_I’m that voice you’re hearing in the hall_  
_ And the greatest miracle of all_  
_ Is how I need you_  
_ And how you needed me too_  
_ That hasn’t happened for the longest time_

The small human stared back at him with blue eyes. In its hands, there was some colorful food that smelled terribly, agonizingly sweet and adhered to its thick fingers. It babbled baby words Gabriel couldn’t understand. He frowned.

“Don’t stick your head too close to it,” he heard Beelzebub warn him. She was standing at a corner and looked for something, Gabriel had forgotten what it was (blood, but deep fried or so). He narrowed his eyes, not moving. He snapped his fingers, and the sugar food was gone. The child slobbered and started crying.

“Sir?” a voice asked Gabriel, and he straightened up. It was the mother, she drew the carriage away from him. “What are you doing?” she asked in an angry tone.

Unbelievable. “The question is, what are _you_ doing?” Gabriel asked with a forced smile. Oh, how he hated human interaction.

“Excuse me?” she uttered, and Gabriel could feel Beelzebub tugging at his sleeve as the mother escaped with a grimace. His smile died. “Just so you know, Ma’am,” he called with a raised finger, “this is not what God intended your child to eat.”

Beelzebub totally lost it, she was snorting and couldn’t stop. Flies were gathering over the store’s fruit selection. “Has everybody gone crazy?” Gabriel sighed and turned to face her. This place was filled with stuff. Food and other vile and strange matter. Like the things Aziraphale horded, actual Earthly matter instead of ethereal scrolls.

Beelzebub was still laughing. “It’s not funny, B,” Gabriel complained.

“No, you’re right,” she said and instantly returned to a straight expression. She also let go of his sleeve. “It’s not what God intended their children to eat,” she repeated.

“That’s what I’m saying. I know they must eat at least a little to survive, but they could at least eat… I don’t know, a lentil dish or so.”

“Agreed. We should go around the mall and find more children whose candy we can steal.”

“Beez! What a great idea! But we’re not stealing it,” Gabriel warned her, “we’re just carefully taking it from them, so that their souls are spared from ignorantly sullying their God given bodies with gross matter.”

“We could wave them in front of their sorry faces and make funny sounds,” Beelzebub suggested with a grin. She practically glowed, and it made Gabriel scrunch his nose from a cuteness-overload. “Their dumb little brains wouldn’t even understand it,” he grinned.

“Right? It’s perfect in every senzze.”

“So, you’re coming with me?” he asked.

“Fuck yeah. As if I’d mizzz this,” she buzzed.

_I don’t care what consequence it brings_  
_ I have been a fool for lesser things_  
_ I want you so bad_  
_ I think you ought to know that_  
_ I intend to hold you for the longest time_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ma’am, this is not what God intended your child to eat” and “We could wave candy in front of their faces and make funny sounds” are both such powerful sentences. I am so grateful for these stupid characters. //wipes a single tear from face


	23. The Power Of Love

It’s not a bad thing to feel love this concretely. Directed towards a single person and not ‘love’ in a Godly, ethereal, broad meaning. It all tied together now, Gabriel thought. It explained the sudden power strokes when he noticed Beelzebub watching him move as well as the smiles that she made creep onto his face.

But the power strokes were interesting. He should make use of that.

“Exercise together?” Beelzebub repeated.

“Yes. It’d be an honor,” Gabriel said with a grin. He was already in his silver sportswear and hoped it would help to persuade Beelzebub. “You could use your new shoes,” he added.

“The rainbow trainers? Yeah, why not,” Beelzebub said, and Gabriel sucked in a breath when he watched her move her feet. Ankles. Was his fascination for ankles, Beelzebub’s in particular, a biproduct of love? Hopefully. Any other explanation would devastate him.

Gabriel showed Beelzebub a junk of workout techniques, like pushups and knee bends. The latter especially showed the effect he’d been hoping for: Gabriel did the exercise and Beelzebub tried to follow his movements, but was distracted by looking at him.

_Looking at him_. Ahh, it felt good.

Not because she was jealous of his amazing body, as Gabriel had first thought. No, it was something different. She liked looking at him and his back probably just as much as he liked looking at her ankles.

Today was also the day Beelzebub first lifted Gabriel up in the air. “You call this weight training?” she called from beneath, pushing his whole body up with just one tiny arm.

“I somehow thought it would be more challenging for you.”

“Well, it’s not. Make yourself heavier,” she suggested. But Gabriel didn’t know how to do that. Beelzebub offered to show him: “You do pushups, I’ll sit on your back.”

And boy, did she sit on his back. Gabriel sucked in a breath.

“What?” Beelzebub laughed with a buzz. “I’m only at ten tons right now. C’mon, big boy, keep going.”

“Aye,” Gabriel said through gritted teeth. He felt her small body shift on his back. She was probably looking at his butt right now – “Nice buns you got going on there.”

“Pardon?”

Beelzebub laughed. “Nothing. Come on, twenty tonzz.”

“Beez, I’m dying here…!”

“No, you’re not,” she snarled. Gabriel almost felt his arms break away, but he could do it. Buck up, Archangel!

“Very good,” Beelzebub praised him. Oh, how nice! How good the praise felt… And then Gabriel felt a hand come down on his butt. “Ouch!” he flinched. “B, what was that for?”

“Did it not feel good?” she asked cautiously, and Gabriel narrowed his eyes at the tone of disappointment in her voice. “No,” he pouted, “it didn’t feel good.” He let himself fall flat onto the ground and exhaled. His arms hurt. Almighty, help me, he prayed.

“You did terrible, big boy,” Beelzebub said and patted his head. And then she let her fingers wander deeper, to his ribcage – oh, no.

Gabriel twisted and burst out into bright laughter. “Ticklish, are we?” Beelzebub snorted. Now Hat came in too, and tickled Gabriel’s nose with their wings. “Stop it,” he begged, gasping for air. He found Beelzebub’s small body, grabbed it and started doing the same to her, but it didn’t have the same effect that her fingers had on his body.

Beelzebub’s radiation rocketed and a fist hit Gabriel. Hat kept tickling him. “Stop… it…” he begged again, tired of having to laugh. Beelzebub screamed and threw another first, but this time Gabriel could hold her in time. He knocked her head with his, only to find that it terribly hurt himself: “Fuck.”

“Not working anymore, azzzhole!” Beelzebub yelled, and so they started violently attacking each other.

Afterwards they miracled away each other’s wounds. “Here,” Gabriel said and offered Beelzebub some ice for her head. She thanked him and sat by his side. She even wore his silver sport shirt, and only now did Gabriel realize how utterly cute she looked in it. Her hands were nowhere to be seen.

“It’s so big, and you’re so small,” he marveled with affection.

“But that’s not the reason you like it so much, admit it,” Beelzebub said and gave him a knowing look. Gabriel shifted. “What?”

“It’s one of your possessions _on me_,” Beelzebub specified with a laugh. “But beside that, I enjoy it too. The smell of sweat in particular. And your inveterate pride woven in it – very deliciouzz,” she added.

Something of him on her, Gabriel thought. It did indeed feel good. He pondered and found yet again how Beelzebub watched his naked torso. “And that’s why _you_ like wearing my clothes,” he said and nudged her gently.

“Not gonna lie,” Beelzebub said and giggled, but found it hurt after their tickle fight. They probably shouldn’t do it again. There was still some time left to complain about colleagues anyway. And all throughout, Hat sat on Gabriel’s naked shoulder and bit into it. He caressed them. Biting didn’t feel as unpleasant as smacking, he found, which is curious, because both were acts of violence. Was that because it was just Hat doing it?

Gabriel was about to ask Beelzebub to bite him, but he stopped himself in time out of fear that she would actually devour him by accident – with those teeth she sported. Was that how love worked? Gabriel shrugged it off for another time. But even back in the office he couldn’t stop thinking about Beelzebub biting his shoulder. Not as if he was something to eat, but something to… hmm. He was curious. He should address that at their next meeting.


	24. Fires Of Eden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my all-time faves from Cher;; i’m emo

In the end, it was nothing more than a violent reminder. All bliss and happiness were taken from Beelzebub that day. “Already?” she asked in disbelieve, voice cracking. Ligur nodded, and Beelzebub went numb, slumping down in her throne.

Already?

The birth was near, the birth of the Antichrist. Their new Master, born out of Hell’s darkness and fires. Incubated for thousands of years to bring the world’s end, not a quick experiment like that Jeshua. It was planned. It was written. The Antichrist was to devour everything there is and overthrow the Opposition. To rip out their wings and eat them alive.

Beelzebub shuddered. Wings. Like hers had once been?

Whatever she did the following days – paperwork, temptations, sins – she found herself in flashbacks of her former angelic self. She told herself to stop, but the memories kept flooding her mind as if Satan’s announcement had broken a dam of the divine past inside her.

Everything was going to end. Everything. The glorious revolution – Dagon was looking forward to this so much. And it was to look forward to, wasn’t it? To rule, to finally be free and get rid of those stupid humans. And the angels.

You liked the pond, Beelzebub remembered. You liked the giant trees, the lavender smell and the light, you bathed in it, you breathed it. You liked the warmth and the love. Remember, back when love was all innocent and meant _freedom_.

There would be no warmth no more, ever. No more angels, no more love. And she couldn’t do anything about it. Just Hell’s justice and bloody glory. No Earth. No Gabriel. How ridiculous that she had been so wrought up by the thought of Heaven knowing about their brilliant plan back in the day. Back when Gabriel had told her about Mary and her child. Beelzebub had thought the child would be her ticket to freedom.

Already. Did Gabriel know? Beelzebub wept. She had to tell him. Or did he know already? Was he thinking of her, like she was thinking of him? She hugged her tiny body. She was helpless, it was cold, and she could talk to no one. Beelzebub was utterly and completely alone. And the worst thing was – she knew that if she hadn’t learned what love was in the first place, she would never weep like this in the face of losing it. She remembered how she had returned to Earth despite her Master’s threats and how she had found Gabriel. How he had come towards her.

She was back on Earth, falling to her knees. This place that gave her the opportunity to meet with an angel and even become friends with him. Beelzebub felt the dirt between her fingers. It would be gone so very soon. Ripped from her hands, just like everything ever. Even if Hell would come out on top of this – Gabriel would be gone, just like this soil. Not even ashes would remain after the war.

The boiling inside her broke out like a volcano when Beelzebub screamed out everything that had gathered inside of her. The flies almost ripped her throat apart, and the fire burned down everything that was near her, but she didn’t feel sorry. Her sorrow just needed somewhere to go, and it blew abysses into the ground around her as she screamed.

Sometimes you almost forgot what a calamity of nature a demon could be.

Beelzebub had no strength to scream forever. Somewhen, her tiny body collapsed on the ground where she curled herself up to cry. The warmth all around told her that the fires she set to her surroundings were still burning, but now a different warmth mixed into it, making its way to her soul. Beelzebub opened her eyes and ached towards it, and then her hands found Gabriel’s. She sobbed. He shushed her, rubbing a gentle thumb over her hand.

He was here.

Beelzebub was too powerless to feel anything else but sadness and weakness. Gabriel cradled her, pressing a kiss to her hair. His warmth and softness shielded her like a blanket in his steady arms. If anyone would’ve ever told Beelzebub that simply being held could be so comforting, she would not have believed them. But here she was, weeping in an angel’s arms. In this big angel’s big arms, she calmed down.

“I wanted to find you by the radiation of your smile,” Gabriel said somewhen, “not of your despair.” His quiet voice was like medicine. Beelzebub pressed herself closer to his chest. She didn’t need to say it aloud, but she had never been this glad that he was with her.

“These embers,” he said, “glow with loneliness. You’re not alone, Beelzebub.” He caressed her hair. She blinked, forcing her mouth to speak: “I am now.” Somehow her eyes managed to produce even more tears, she thought they had dried out already.

“I’m here with you,” Gabriel said, cradling her.

“Maybe you were with me back _then_,” she sobbed. “I wouldn’t even know! We were two of a kind… But now we’re both different.” She heaved her head up to face Gabriel. His purple eyes were full of worry and his face unusually hard. “I have changed, obviously. But you’re not the same anymore either,” Beelzebub said.

“That’s not important,” he answered, shaking his head and thus rubbing their noses together.

“It is,” she wept, returning to her embryonal position. “Otherwise I… I wouldn’t be this afraid.”

“Don’t be,” Gabriel whispered and held her even tighter. And she indulged in it. Her demonic tears stained on Gabriel’s skin.

“Don’t cry,” he wept with a chuckle. “Or I’ll end up crying too.”

He kept on holding her and chased the loneliness away, bit by bit, with his warmth and light. His tears, when they touched Beelzebub’s skin, were healing and smelled of primordial seas. “Don’t be afraid,” he said again, his voice barely above a whisper. He lifted her head to press gentle kisses to her forehead, to her nose and eyelids, and where his lips touched her skin, Beelzebub glowed with safety. She melted. They were safe for today.


	25. If I Could Turn Back Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing things like this feels weird because it’s hella fun but it also breaks your heart, kinda?

Gabriel knew. They tried to avoid talking about it, but somewhen, he told her. He knew. And worst of all, he was in a dilemma. A dilemma! Gabriel said to her, “I really, really want Paradise to come. Meaning I really, really want Heaven to win. I want this war, but I also want… well, us.”

“What a dilemma,” Beelzebub replied, not nearly as aggressive as she wanted to sound. She had no strength anymore.

Gabriel was pacing. “I wondered what we could do. So, Beelze, I’ve been thinking.”

“You really shouldn’t be doing that.”

He stopped in front of her and stared her right in the eyes. “We’re both super-powerful, we’re clever and we know how the wind blows around here,” he said.

Beelzebub avoided his eyes. “So?” she spat.

“What I’m saying is,” Gabriel continued, radiation pulling stronger, “Armageddon doesn’t have to be the end for us. What comes after it is a paradise, a peaceful paradise. We can have that together, Beelzebub.”

Now she looked him in the eyes. Purple eyes, radiating their everlasting love and hope. What the fuck. “You are the single most dumbest creature I’ve ever seen, bloody fucking Hell. How can you be this damn stupid?” Beelzebub called. “I am a demon. If your side wins and installs paradise, I won’t be there anymore.” It felt hard to say that aloud. Gabriel frowned. He said, “We can do it, Beez. C’mon, do you really think it could stop us?”

The sheer stupidity. “It will zzztop one of us,” Beelzebub buzzed. “One of us will survive. Only one. You are an angel, I am a demon.”

The thunderstorm in the back was coming closer. Gabriel stepped back, blinking. “Yes, you are,” he said in disbelieve. Slowly. “You’re a demon. I know that, even though I tend to forget it sometimes.”

“You’ve forgotten it a damn long time ago, admit it,” Beelzebub said. Her head hurt. “You’re happy in your little dream world, you and your angel friends, as long as the Fallen ones are exiled,” she uttered.

Gabriel’s radiation fluttered. He looked miserable. “Do you really believe I’ve wanted this to happen?” he asked. “I didn’t want my friends to Fall. If I could just… turn back time, I’d try to prevent it from happening. To let everyone have Heaven.”

“Ha. What a fucking typical thing to say.”

“I am serious.”

Beelzebub snapped, “Well, it’s not what you want that counts, it’s what She wants. ‘Thy will be done’ and shit. And She didn’t want me.”

His brows furrowed, radiation all blue. “That’s not true…” he murmured in pity.

“What, are you saying it’s my fault?” Beelzebub snapped. “It better wazz, because otherwise I wouldn’t have done anything ever that I – and I alone – am responsible for. It’s the one thing I decided on my own. To leave Heaven and to leave Her.”

Gabriel saw how wrought up she was, hell, he could probably smell it. His face softened. He sighed, and then he said: “I love you so much. And you know that if I could, I’d give you the stars and more, Beelzebub.”

Beelzebub’s eyes burned. “You will give them to me. They will come crashing down and take everything I ever cherished from me,” she said, ready to wiggle out of his incoming hug. But there was no hug. There was just a pause. And all Gabriel said afterwards was, “Okay.” He cleared his throat, hands in pockets, and added, “B, I need to get going.”

She faltered. “Why do you look at me like that?”

And then Gabriel gave her the single most saddest smile she ever saw on him, eyes wet. “The war is only a few years away. Lots of work ahead of me,” he said.

“Yeah, me too,” she answered, unable to unsee the burn in his purple eyes.

“And if it’s unsure that we’ll meet again after the War-”

“It wazz never a possibility.”

“– then this is the last time we see each other.”

“What?”

Gabriel paused. Beelzebub’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and then he said: “So, I need to say something. I need to get it off my chest, and I want you to know: The red of your sash perfectly matches the red of Hat’s eyes.” He smiled. “Anything you want to say?” he asked.

“Yeah, well. I need to process things for a bit.” Beelzebub stumbled as the thunder roared in the distance. Hat huddled above her in fear. Wanting this to be official, she began: “I’m… grateful for the time we had. The fun. Even though it makes this shit a thousand times more complicated than it should be.” She remembered how Gabriel had said to her that she wasn’t broken. How he learned to curse. How they had shown each other their wings and danced through whole nights. Beelzebub blinked. “I do want to say something more though, Gabe,” she added in a haste.

He smiled at the name, glowing tenderly. “Okay.”

She collected herself. “I, erm… You know that for me, it’s a hard word to use. I’ve never been able to say it.” Ridiculous, this was ridiculous. Beelzebub bit her lip. “But I would be a fool if the only person I ever say it to would be anyone else but you,” she said and laughed. “It’s the perfect match. So…”

“Take your time, okay?”

Even though she did, it was hard. The thunder pulsated in their radiations, scourging winds and clouds. Beelzebub said, “Gabe, I…”

_Come on, say it. It’s your last chance to say it._

She broke. “I… I can’t do it.” Beelzebub sunk to her knees, staring at the ground without any feeling in her chest. It’s over. She uttered, “I’m not strong enough, I can’t do it. Even after everything you did to me.”

But Gabriel came down to her. “Hey,” his quiet voice said. “It’s alright. You hear me?” Somehow they were on the ground again, and here were his big arms, returning to embrace her. Beelzebub cringed at her inability to cry. She was numb and even had trouble speaking. “I could never…” She sniffed. “Never… You big, stupid, dumb angel …”

A smile lit up his glow. He caressed her. “Shh… Everything will be alright. I love you, too.”

“But we’re on different terms here,” Beelzebub said. He didn’t love her like she loved him. He was an angel.

But Gabriel shook his head, continuing to comfort her. “No. You’re capable of love, trust me, it’s glistening all over you. And all love’s the same,” he said.

Beelzebub wiggled out of the hug. “No, it’s not! It’s not! Maybe to your lot it is, but not to demons!”

She leaned in a bit, and Gabriel took the opportunity to press their foreheads together, love shining bright, as a matter of course. “I love you,” he said, almost breaking. “I don’t care that you’re a demon. I’ve learned to love you, and nothing can change that. Okay?”

Beelzebub’s face distorted. “Yes.”

He grabbed her hair, looking for support, for crutch. He sobbed, and then Beelzebub finally cried as well. Finally. She still felt, she wasn’t numb. They fell silent. The thunder was painfully close, and Gabriel’s hand in her hair was painfully strong, and somewhen, something sparkled on his forehead. His arms, his chest – there were white sparks everywhere. Creeping. Pulling. No, Beelzebub thought, no, not yet. But Gabriel opened his eyes and pulled away.

“They’re calling me.” He stood up, halo almost broken. But he still held Beelzebub’s hand. His hand was so, so warm and gentle, and his eyes so full of grace. Seconds felt like hours.

As the thunder crashed, he smiled at her a last time.

“Fare thee well.”

Archangel Gabriel, her dearest friend, vanished from this Earth in a loud blaze of light. Disconnecting. “Farewell,” Beelzebub wept as his hand was gone, but she feared it was too late, she hoped he could still hear it. The rain arrived, and here she was, alone yet again. She didn’t want to stay. Beelzebub hurried down into Hell. Back, back into the dark pit.


	26. Handmade Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s here! Marina’s “Handmade Heaven” is my ultimate Bureaucracy song;;

_I envy the birds high up in the trees_   
_ They live out their lives so purposefully_   
_ I envy the spiders, the squirrels and seeds_   
_ They all find their way automatically_

_But in this handmade Heaven, I come alive_   
_ Bluebirds forever colour the sky_   
_ In this handmade Heaven, we forget the time_   
_ ‘cause birds of a feather fly together_

What would happen to the birds?

Beelzebub wandered Hell’s corridors, and she didn’t bloody know where this thought had come from. Would the animals care that their Earth would be destroyed all of a sudden? Stars crashing down, fire rains and sulphur – they couldn’t possibly process it. They were dumb and would die.

What a nice image.

This was how bad it was. She missed Gabriel so, so much. She despised the loneliness and the stress. She missed him. No wonder, because they’ve known each other for two thousand years, that’s a whole bloody lot. And yet so little.

Beelzebub remembered their first meeting in front of Eden. How relieved she had been when this big Archangel had been gone, so that she could leave as well. All those uptight angels, petty and so full of themselves. And then Gabriel’s stories about Heaven after the Fall – how good of a place was it really? Wasn’t it just like Hell? Who wants a Heaven like that?

She’d rather bicker with him for all eternity. Or dance. Or just sit with him. That’d be perfect.

Another thought stung her poor soul. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. She couldn’t believe that Gabriel had seriously forgotten that she was a demon. It was so stupid, but so charming at the same time, because that meant that he saw Beelzebub as a friend first and foremost, not a filthy demon or an enemy to overthrow. It meant that his very nature had betrayed him because of their feelings.

But now the angels had called him back. The Archangel Gabriel was back in the big picture. He had to do what he was being told to do, without asking any questions. What if they saw each other on the battlefield? What would he do?

What would Beelzebub do? What was she _supposed_ to do? What was her role in this mess?

_I carry along a feel of unease_   
_ I want to belong like the birds in the trees_   
_ I sit on my own, look over the town_   
_ The skyscrapers glow like they'll never fall down_

As Gabriel watched all the wonders and miracles he could spot from Heaven’s windows, he began thinking. Everything was so bright up here. What would Paradise be like? He had imagined it many times ago back in the day. But lately…

He wondered what Paradise would be if it was without Beelzebub. And if he would miss her. The Almighty would have to make sure he wouldn’t. She must. This here – this waiting for it to finally happen – was enough of a punishment. Besides, Gabriel found he didn’t deserve a punishment anyway. They had only met off-duty. Never had Beelzebub interfered with the divine plans, and never had Gabriel done something against the Almighty. They had been responsible, they had caused no harm. Friendship wasn’t a crime.

Somewhen during his gloomy self-assuring thoughts, Michael came up to Gabriel. She spread the pictures on the table between them. It was Aziraphale, undoubtedly, over the millennia. And on every picture, he was right beside… a demon. Was that this Crowley? Gabriel took one of the pictures to look at it. The two look fairly close.

They’re criminals, is what Michael wanted to say. Aziraphale is a criminal. He’s consorted with the enemy, potentially risking the Plan. He’s close to Falling.

“I’m sure there’s a perfectly innocent explanation,” said Gabriel, and his voice was firm, because he really believed it. Whatever Michael was trying to say, whatever Aziraphale had been doing all these millennia – he’d done the same, hadn’t he? And his intentions had been and were pure. Maybe Aziraphale had made a friend, just like he did. Maybe they would meet when they had no work to do and talk about inconvenient situations that had happened to them. These pictures didn’t mean that Aziraphale was Falling. Just like Gabriel wasn’t Falling. They’d fight in the War and Aziraphale would fight for Heaven. And afterwards he’d have Paradise and wouldn’t even miss Crowley.

“Would you mind me following these up by using back channels?” Michael asked, radiation even slier than usual. What did she mean?

“There are no back channels, Michael.”

She gave him a dishonest smile and turned to walk away. Maybe she would meet up with War or so. No, War was busy gathering her friends and prepare for their ride, wasn’t she? Would Michael go look for Aziraphale? Or for Crowley? Everything was so crazy. Gabriel swallowed and looked at the pictures again. He wondered if there were pictures of him and Beelzebub. Would they look as close as Aziraphale and Crowley? He wanted to burn them right here in his hands, but he obviously couldn’t as long as Michael was investigating. Hopefully she hadn’t found out about Beelzebub.

He followed the Divine Plan. He and Aziraphale were both loyal angels, even if they felt it was difficult sometimes, and they both would reach Paradise. Just without their friends. Without missing them.

_But in this handmade Heaven, it’s paradise_   
_ Bluebirds forever colour the sky_   
_ In this handmade Heaven, we forget the time_   
_ ‘cause birds of a feather fly together_

_And I could no longer ignore_   
_ The ivy growing tall_   
_ This life don’t suit me anymore_   
_ The writing’s on the wall_

Gabriel returned to his office and let the cabinet float aside. On the white wall behind it were the numeric codes for calling Beelzebub when they had tried out the miracle connection. He let a hand ghost over the black incisions. How long have they been here? Gabriel decided they couldn’t stay anymore. He had to forget. Without any emotion distracting his body, he wanted to wipe them away, but the miracle was so strong he had to start scrubbing.


	27. Hammer To Fall

“Young man. Armageddon must… restart.” Gabriel couldn’t believe he was saying this. Saying this to the face of Satan’s child. Why was this beast so stubborn? What was going on here? Gabriel was close to blowing the kid up himself.

“I’ve got this,” said Beelzebub and sneaked past him. Thank God. “When all this is over, you’re going to get to rule the world,” she said in her sweetest tone. “Don’t you want to rule the world?” Gabriel could feel the temptation reaching out for the boy, handcrafted and of Beelzebub’s very own smell.

But it was useless. It was all useless. And now even Aziraphale chimed in, talking bullshit about some Ineffable Plan.

Why has the Lord forsaken me, Gabriel cried.

Beelzebub was weakening. “But it izz… written,” she frowned. All of this was too much for her. “God does not play games with the universe,” Gabriel reminded the group with a raised finger. He pointed Beelzebub to come with him. They walked a few feet away, stepping over the vanished Horsemen’s attributes as if they were nothing.

Gabriel lowered his head to Beelzebub’s height. “I’m gonna need to talk to… Head Offices,” he managed to say. All of this was too much. “How I am supposed to get ten million angels to stand down from their War footing…” He gestured in frustration. “It doesn’t bear thinking about,” he added in a restraint voice.

“You should try to get ten million demons to put down their weapons and get back to work,” Beelzebub said and stared at him with sad eyes. Gabriel was boiling. Beelzebub’s task was infinitely more dangerous, and she was clearly scared of what was ahead of her.

“Well, at least we know whose fault it is!” Gabriel called towards Aziraphale and Crowley. Bastards. What were these fuckheads thinking what they were doing? Gabriel had changed his mind, they deserved punishment. They were close to overthrowing the Great Plan – Ineffable Plan, whatever, they’re the same – after six thousand years of shameless consulting. While him and Beelzebub had tried so very hard to not interfere with the other’s work! Outrageous!

Nothing – in the whole universe – could be more annoying. Both Gabriel and Beelzebub had accepted their fate and that the War would be happening. Had waited for the great hammer to fall. They had made themselves comfortable with the idea that they would never see the other again, and yet here they were, on some filthy airbase on Earth. With complications in the world ending! Even though now was the perfect time for it to end! What Beelzebub called ‘Cold War’ would now become ‘Hot War’. ‘Very Hot, Potentially Deadly War’. With so many nuclear bombs on Earth it would be easy to kick off and fun to watch. Gabriel was furious. He had been looking forward to the atomic mushroom. He had planned on picking it to smuggle it to Beelzebub, because she liked to eat mushrooms. But now that was impossible too. Shit.

_What the hell are we fighting for?_  
_ Ah, just surrender and it won’t hurt at all_  
_ You just got time to say your prayers_  
_ Yeah, while you’re waiting for the hammer to, hammer to fall_

“So, for some ineffable reasons,” Beelzebub closed her speech, “there will be no War.” Dagon was tense next to her. “So?” she whispered.

“It meanzz go back to work,” Beelzebub called.

“What about the opposition?” Duke Hastur called from the crowd, an axe in his hand. “Yeah, what about the wing-wanks?” another demon yelled. Everyone raised their weapons, Beelzebub dodged a pitchfork. “We prepared for six thousand years for this! You can’t tell us to stop now!”

Dagon screamed commands to calm the riot, but it was no use. So, losing her last bit of demonic dignity, Beelzebub prepared herself for the method Gabriel had suggested. Holy hell, she couldn’t believe she was doing this.

“I said,” she growled, sending out a dark wave of terror and flies. Everyone stilled.

“I said,” Beelzebub repeated, sobbing, “go back… to…”

Dagon was right by her side. “No, don’t cry, Milord,” she said and hold her wrists. Her radiation was still sharp like her silver teeth. Big tears wobbled down Beelzebub’s face. Hat was doing their best too, squeaking in a sad tone. The other demons looked to the ground in embarrassment, some came up the stage to comfort her. “Don’t, Milord, it’s not your fault. It’s the wing-wanks…”

Suckers. They were so bad at this. Guess angels were the best comforters. Well, Gabriel was. And he would be terribly content with himself if she told him his idea had worked.

There would be no Armageddon, Beelzebub said to herself. Satan was back in his prison in Judecca. No war. “You feel strange, Milord,” Dagon snarled, but it was in good will. “Come on, let me groom your wings.”

“That would be nizzze,” Beelzebub wept. The show was only over when she was back on the surface to kick Gabriel’s sorry butt. That tight ass.

Shit, she was thinking about that again. The tears changed to tears of joy and laughter.

She would meet Gabriel again. Not to kick off business, no, just meet. For real. And nothing, no one, not even his old friend Lucifer (comatose down in his pit), could stop her from doing so. No one.

She would see Gabriel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Together at last! I used this amazing comic for the second part! It’s the best headcanon ever lol. cyancrown.tumblr.com/post/186852071472/


	28. Stuck With You/Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheating! Two songs: “Stuck With You” by Huey Lewis & The News and “Happiness” from the Rocky Broadway Musical.

After the trial, there was a lot to discuss. Beelzebub frowned. “Crowley’s gone native,” she said. “He spent so much time among humans that he became one of them.”

Rather violently, Gabriel grabbed and shook her. “Beelzebub, no. He’s not human,” he warned her in a fierce tone.

“No?” she repeated.

“When we had Aziraphale up in the Hell fire, he didn’t burn,” Gabriel said without putting her down. “At first we thought your associate messed something up, but it was legit Hell fire. He didn’t burn. An angel would’ve burned. A human would’ve burned.” He paused. “Demons don’t burn.”

Beelzebub pondered. “You mean Crowley has turned… angelic?” she asked.

Gabriel nodded. “Yes.”

Beelzebub’s face lit up. “But that’s what happened to us.”

“What?”

“Natures melting into one another. Your stupid radiation burned me at first, but now it doesn’t. And you can tempt and curse and all of that. It must be the same with them.” She smiled. “You figured it out, big boy.”

Wow. With a grimace, Gabriel put her down. “Figured out what?” he asked. “What do we learn from that? This is horrible! What about the Great Plan? What’s this Ineffable Plan they talked about? Do they know something we don’t?”

Beelzebub smiled. “Gabe! Calm down. This here, this is part of the stupid Ineffable Plan.”

“What? How so?”

“Have you not lizzztened?” she asked. “They have an insight we apparently don’t, and they’ve changed just like we did, Gabe.” Seeing how Gabriel just frowned at this suggestion, she added, disenchanted, “I can’t believe it. You’re really fucking stupid. At least I’d say you have a heart of gold, but even that you don’t.”

Gabriel straightened up, smiling wearily. “And still you stay with me. Thank you,” he said.

“That’s how you reply to that? That’s your final anzzwer?” Beelzebub buzzed. Gabriel’s final answer was a frustrated arm flap. “Well, B, what can I say? That I should try to melt you with Holy water? I’m just happy that you’re with me. What’s the alternative? At this point we can’t possibly stay apart, can we?”

Beelzebub shifted. “No…” she murmured in agreement.

“Thought so. Much too late,” Gabriel proclaimed. “Even if we chose to stay apart, we would change our minds, and in the end – it would be back to you and me.”

Beelzebub looked up at him with blue eyes. “That’s the most intelligent thing you’ve ever said. And the most depressing.” She had to sit down. “I guess we’re stuck with each other,” she realized in horror, but Gabriel just smiled.

“And I hope you’re happy to be stuck with me. ‘cause I really am,” he said.

“Urgh, stop being so… angelic,” Beelzebub complained as he sat down beside her.

“Thanks! I thought I was being pretty self-indulgent.”

“That’zz what I wazzz saying. But I guess you’re just demonic enough for me to hang out with you,” Beelzebub mumbled. Gabriel felt his face soften. “That’s… somehow super-sweet of you to say,” he said and rested his head on hers. All of a sudden, he was strangely calm. “So, this is how it feels?” he asked quietly.

“What, my head?”

“No, being stuck with you. To be able to be with you.” Gabriel blinked. “I don’t wanna go and ruin it again, kind of. It feels… I’m looking for a word here,” he said. His breath was slow and steady.

“Something like…”

“There has to be some word for it.”

“Love?” Beelzebub asked, voice laced with fear.

“Yes,” Gabriel said fast and fixated her blue eyes. “No, it’s something more,” he wondered. “I knew what love felt like with you before. But now it’s different. Something like…”

“Warm?” Beelzebub mused.

“Nothing that I ever knew. Something like ‘safe’. That’s a part of it at least.” ‘Safe’, as in being held tight. All of this time Gabriel had had no clue there would be someone that he would melt into like this. Regardless if what Beelzebub said was true, he’d done just that. Melted into her. She’d found a way into his heart, out of the blue. Did she feel ‘warm’ when she was with him? Gabriel looked at her again. Tousled black hair and radiation of contentment.

“True bliss,” he realized.

Beelzebub shifted beside him. “That’s how it feels?” she asked with a shy smile.

“That’s what it is.” _Happiness_. Gabriel cuddled her, smelled her hair instead of her rage. Not only did Beelzebub allow it, she replied, “Yes. True bliss.” She reciprocated the touch, snuggling, playing with Gabriel’s scarf as they sat here. Breaths calm and steady. Hands warm and familiar, and they would stay familiar for the longest time. All these eons to come, together. And now they wouldn’t take them for granted.

_True bliss._

Somewhen Beelzebub asked, “Have you been exercising lately?”

“Oh, yes, I have. Getting ready for the War and stuff.”

“Used any new techniquezz?”

Gabriel thought for a moment, then he sighed, “No. I only ran, if I’m honest. Why, do you know a new one?”

Beelzebub smirked. “I’d say it’s the oldest one ever, but… I don’t think you’ve tried it yet. Would you like to try?” she asked.

“Sure. How’s it go?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what tomorrow’s chapter is gonna be (ᅌ ˇ ᅌ✿)


	29. You May Be Right [Lemon]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was weird to write smut with this much talking, but their banter is too dumb and good to not have it :’) Enjoy!

As Gabriel still continued to speak nonsense about how he’s never seen her body without clothes, Beelzebub grinded against him, tearing at his hair and almost breaking his neck with brutal kisses. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this,” she panted, biting into his shoulder. This felt exquisite, oh, how divine indeed. No cold and hard office ground, but big fluffy cotton bedclothes and so much angelic warmth.

Somewhen, Gabriel shifted, frowning. “B, are you alright?”

“I am. C’mere.” Beelzebub pulled his head to her chest, but of course the angel didn’t know what to do. He knew ‘lust’ as a word but not sex as a concept. Thus, he only said, “Your radiation is healthy. But you’re screaming. Am I hurting you?”

Beelzebub chuckled. “No, no, you’re not,” she groaned. “I like screaming, that’zz all.”

He searched for her eyes, but only out of concern. “Okay. But I won’t scream, if you don’t mind.”

Beelzebub grinned madly. “Let’s see about that. Bend over,” she ordered. He’d like this.

“What? On all fours? Ah, what-”

“Heard that? That wazz a moan.” Beelzebub continued running her hand over his (now existent, thank Satan) cock, but only for two strokes. Then she stopped without loosening her grip. Gabriel turned to look back at her. “It felt very good. Can you do that again?” he asked.

“If you azzk real nicely,” Beelzebub buzzed. He was throbbing in her hand, oh, she enjoyed this. But Gabriel didn’t understand the game: “Ha, okay. Please, Beelze, do that thing again.”

“Which one? This?” Innocently, Beelzebub shoved a finger into his ass. The effect was delicious in her hand.

“No, I- oh, actually, that was very good too. My belly…”

“Aha.” She twisted a second finger, and now her angel was beginning to grind on it, his breath got erratic and his skin electrified. “Yes, that thing,” he moaned. “Oh, B, you’re very good at this. Have you practiced?”

Beelzebub stopped. “Come again?” she asked. Finally, for once in her life, Gabriel struggled to speak. “I said you’re… ah, very good at this,” he mustered to say. “Please k-keep doing that, oh, that’s very good.”

She grinned, stroking, stroking, watching his delicious back, his ass. “In other words?” she purred.

“Exquisite, really. Splendid, excellent. Haa…” Gabriel grabbed the sheets and stretched in arousal, making the sheets prickle. Beelzebub had him where she wanted when he panted, shivering, “This is exciting. Now I s-see why it’s exercise.”

Beelzebub chuckled. “Yes, sunshine, exercise,” she said, tempted to start rubbing herself.

“Yes… I’m sweating, too. I’m sweating,” Gabriel gasped, and his hoarse voice was the cue.

“Next stage. You roll over, I’m on top,” Beelzebub said. She gave the order, but really it was her hand that made the angel move. Knees beside his hips, Beelzebub sank down, down on his filthy angel dick, arms up, breath steady, filling her up oh so tight.

“Ahh… All right with you?”

Gabriel managed to nod. “Ha… Yeah. Oh, Beez, you look beautiful from down here.” Purple eyes sparkled, and Beelzebub moaned. “Good. Hm, you can move your hips, if you like.”

What a careless suggestion, because Gabriel instantly cooperated. “Yes, feels good,” he agreed. “You’re so light. You’re so light and soft.” A breathy laugh left his mouth, and Beelzebub closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of him moving more, more.

“I’m sorry, B, I can’t concentrate, I’m having too much fun.”

“No need to conzzentrate, Gabe.”

“Ankles. I’m distracted.” He stroked them gently, hips jerking up. “Your beautiful ankles, gosh, I wish I’d seen them sooner.”

Beelzebub couldn’t help but grin at that kind of stupid pillow talk. She’d never had anything like this before. It was electrifying even on a mental level. She smiled, “Let yourself be dizzztracted then, big boy. Touch them.”

She could practically hear the smirk in the bastard’s voice when he noticed: “You like that.”

“I do. Good boy. Good Gabe.”

Calling him those names made Gabriel all excited. He jolted his hips up and thus his cock deeper into Beelzebub, who needed to steady her thighs with her hands as the pleasure rushed through her body, right to her hair-ends.

“Beez?” Gabriel asked somewhen. “Beez, I’m hardly moving, I kinda wanna move.”

How sweet. “Let us change positions then,” Beelzebub suggested and let him pull out with a moan. She rolled next to him in a spooning position and guided his cock to her puss – oh, it was so big in her needy hands – “Just slam it right into me, okay? Pierce me,” she gasped.

“Does it have to be like this? I can hardly see your face,” Gabriel said softly. Beelzebub swallowed. Fuck. She rolled onto her back, and suddenly he was all close, face in front of hers, skin on skin, forehead on forehead. Radiations poisoning each other. Sweaty hair stuck to Gabriel’s red skin, and his expression was glowing with adoration.

“Hello,” Beelzebub said sweetly and let him peck her on her cheek. He flashed her an unsure smile and whispered, “Better, yes.”

And then he started thrusting. And Beelzebub did not want to – aye, could not – close her eyes, the spectacle was too great. Gabriel fixated her with nebula eyes, and Beelzebub could not even bring herself to bite his chin, is was like being frozen. Just boiling hot – whatever.

He would not stop looking straight into her fucking eyes. It was then when it happened – Beelzebub blushing. Demons don’t blush when fucking. But she did. She mellowed, writhing. And it felt oh so amazing. “Who’s my big boy, hm? Who’zzz my big boy?” she buzzed, pleasure tickling her whole body, even her toes.

Gabriel brightened in a jolt of light, cracking a laugh. “That’s me! You call me that.”

“Quite right. Who’re you?”

“Your big boy.”

“Yezzz. My big, stupid, dumb angel.” She growled, radiation all over the place. He did this far too well for a bloody virgin.

Everything spun. “Oh, I love you so damn much, I adore you, I worship you…”

“B! You said it!”

“What the fuck! Gabe, don’t stop moving!”

“I’m so proud of yo-” Gabriel moved closer to hug Beelzebub, which made him go all the way in, deep, deep, pushing Beelzebub’s tiny body back into the soft pillow and his cock hard against her sweetest spot – both moaned aloud, breathing heavily as the pleasure almost kicked them over the edge. It was sexy but also incredibly awkward –

“Yeah, yeah. Less hugging, more humping, angel,” Beelzebub gasped.

Gabriel nodded. “Yes. Y-yes, right. Sorry.”

And now he’s got the hang of it. He held Beelzebub’s thigh to penetrate her harder, picking up speed, and when Beelzebub exposed her neck for him, he kissed it. “Still going?” he asked from time to time, always making sure she was comfortable. And Beelzebub was. She tore at his hair, stroked his legs and spanked his butt whenever he got lazy. She even bit his neck when he asked her to.

Such a filthy angel. No wonder they were close to coming very soon. Drawling with moans, Gabriel managed to say, “B, something’s happenin’.”

“Hm-m…”

“You feel that too? ‘cause I… I’m sorry, I can’t stop right now, I can’t stop…” Yes. Good. Just the right speed, faster, faster. Yes, twist that nipple. Beelzebub held onto Gabe’s shoulders for dear life as her pleasure build up – this had to become one of her best orgasms ever, it already felt amazing. He just needed some more encouragement: “Good boy, don’t stop, don’t stop…”

Gabriel bent down to nip at her collarbone like she had done before.

* * *

“Ha… Ha. That was good, B.”

“Ngk. I’m still out of breath.”

“Time out?”

“Yeah. We’re done.” Breathing heavily, chests heaving up and down, they laid next to each other, staring at the bright ceiling. What a superb experience – human fireworks were nothing against an Archangel having a golden lightning orgasm. Or a demon’s. The bedsheets were a mess after the explosion, there were soft white feathers floating everywhere. Beelzebub blew them up into the air everytime she exhaled. Flies encircled them. She was done for good. What an excellent fuck – better than she ever imagined. Even more so considering he’d never done it before.

Beelzebub shifted her wet legs on the soft fabric. Should they… cuddle?

Gabriel’s purple eyes were watching her closely and with much fascination. Beelzebub closed hers in giggly bliss when he started speaking: “The more you exercise, the better you get. We can try this again sometime soon, if you like. If done on a regular basis, it will increase your stamina.”

Yeah, that was it. She loved him. “Right now.”

“What?”

“We’ll do it right now.” With one powerful swing, Beelzebub was on top of him again, tickling his nipples with soft feathers, giggling. A dark sparkle appeared in his eyes.

“I see where this is going. You’d last longer if you screamed less.”

“Shut up.”

If this angel could run across Antarctica for seven days straight, he could just as well fuck for seven days straight. But before that, there was something other that Beelzebub really wanted to try out: hands on Gabriel’s chest and eyes locked deeply, she bent down to catch his burning lips in a tender, oh so tender kiss. He reciprocated. Here they were, in soft white sheets, sunshine all over them – but it came from within. _Divine_.


	30. Friends On The Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done!! I can’t believe it;;

Sandalphon pursed his lips in loathsome disapproval.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures. Are we d’accord, what do you think?” Gabriel asked him with a smug, albeit still friendly smile. It was only natural for Sandalphon to disfavor to ramp up his working hours.

“Gabriel, with all due respect,” he began, hands folded. He scrunched his nose at how Gabriel leaned back in his chair. “Why should I cover your work?” he inquired.

“Because I tell you to,” Gabriel laughed. “I’ve been doing far too much all this time. Remember the crusades? You’ve basically been doing nothing, and nothing has changed ever since.”

Sandalphon stiffened. “Well, if you remember Sodom and Gomorrah-”

“Sodom and Gomorrah? Really?” Gabriel frowned as Sandalphon fell silent. “I can’t believe that you still bring that up. It seems to me, Sandalphon, that you’re resting on your laurels,” he said. “Unfortunately for you, because we angels ought to climb every mountain.” He smiled. “Not just the ones we feel are sufficient to climb,” he added with finality.

Sandalphon’s lips twitched. “Gabriel, I fear I must disagree,” he said.

“Aw, what a shame,” Gabriel pouted.

“I feel we need to consult Head Offices and ask the Almighty about this.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Gabriel snapped. His smile died for good. “I am tasked with the work schedule around here, Sandalphon. Why would we bother the Almighty with this when it’s clearly in my authority to task you with more work?”

Sandalphon stiffened further. “So, what will you do when I decline?” he asked in comfort of his triumph. Gabriel pretended to be thinking about this question, then he leaned in and said, “I’ll force you. And you can die mad about it.”

Like an angry little bird, Sandalphon puffed himself up. “But Gabriel! You can’t do that, you complacent Archangel!”

“Say that again,” Gabriel called, “and I’ll call the Hell fly. How’s that sound?”

Sandalphon swallowed. “Very convincing,” he said, shuddered and turned to leave. Content with his mission, Gabriel placed his feet up on the desk and called Sandalphon back to take some documents with him, which was a delight to watch. Gabriel chuckled and leaned back as he thought about Beelzebub’s sweet face. Lately, she had told him about how she tended to menace co-workers when they pissed her off – by threatening to call Gabriel.

_“So, you don’t want to do it, hm? No problem. Do you want me to call the Archangel instead, you little shit?  
Yes, my pleasure. Yes, I mean the big dumb one who doezz as I say, do you want that, hmm?”_

He wished he had been there to see her say it! Awesome. And now he knew it worked the other way around, too.

Being with Beelzebub had boosted Gabriel’s self-esteem to no end. Now he even dared to go female presenting from time to time, both in Heaven and on Earth. Or even without any binary gender, as God had originally intended. Dancing, exercising, talking – everything was fun, now that he did not have to care about all the former problems anymore and could unapologetically play with female long hair (and all the other stuff). He would wear dresses again, and Beelzebub even convinced him to wear some in his male form, too, just because she enjoyed them so much. In turn, she would allow him, albeit in a strict tone, to touch her ankles again. It was pleasant.

Gabriel laughed at the thought. He missed Beelze’s ankles. And no more paperwork to do for him! Time to get up and choose a pair of high heels, those for special occasions. He would surprise her by appearing on her desk in-between all those nasty documents and files to brighten up her day.

“Gabriel?”

“Toodles, Sandalphon! Get lost.”

* * *

With Dagon running her soaped hands over Beelzebub’s wings, the documents were signed in no time. “Exquizzite,” she buzzed in contentment.

“There’s a whole bloody lot for me to do, Milord,” Dagon snarled. “But I won’t stop here until I’ve got these nasty… stains of light out of them. Or do you intend to keep them?”

Beelzebub stiffened and thought of something to say, but her Under-Duke was faster: With one swift motion, Dagon was kneeling in front of her, silver eyes glowing with fascination. “I understand if you’d like to keep ‘em. I would never judge you. I’d even say they feel kind of pleasant.”

“They do,” Beelzebub replied.

“They’re still of the opposition.”

“Those days are over, Dagon,” Beelzebub blurted out, but it was surprisingly soft. She leaned forward to cup Dagon’s scaled cheek in thankfulness. Taken aback by the tender gesture, Dagon startled, and Beelzebub tightened her grip to give her friend some more demonic familiarity. “Why don’t you accompany me to the surface?” she growled.

“To Earth? What for, Milord? To sin?”

Beelzebub shrugged. “In a way. Ever heard of Peppermint Mocha?” she asked. Dagon shook her sharp head. Perfect. As Beelzebub folded her wings back, a trainee broke into her office. “It happened again, Milord,” he uttered.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Beelzebub sighed. “Where did he land this time?”

“Third circle, at Cerberus’ place.” The trainee frowned. “He’s wearing the damned red heels again. Almost gouged the poor dog’s eyes out. Do you want me to take care of him? I can show him out.”

Dagon’s eyes darted right to Beelzebub’s. Hat squeaked on her desk. With a puffed chest, Beelzebub replied, “No need to. Duke Dagon and I will take him out.”

“Take him out?” Dagon repeated. “What about my files?”

“Forget the files,” Beelzebub said with a wink, but it didn’t work, so she just awkwardly blinked. This would be a fun afternoon. It was the season for pumpkins, and Beelzebub had great plans for pumpkins. If humans put peppermint in their coffee, why shouldn’t she put pumpkin in hers?

With a happy bounce, Beelzebub left the office, and Dagon followed her like a shadow, despite the stains of angelic light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Take him out” as in  
1) for dinner  
2) kill him  
3) ‘take out the trash’. Choose your fighter.


	31. I Remember You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last chapter contains lyrics from both the songs “I Remember You” by Frank Ifield and Skid Row because I couldn’t decide.

The Archangel Gabriel sat on a park bench in the Sequoia National Park in California, the place where the giant trees grew ever since the ancient times. A human life span was nothing compared to the lives of the sequoias. They would whisper little secrets to Gabriel, if only he would listen. But he was busy waiting for Lord Beelzebub to arrive. They wanted to talk about what would happen now, after the failed Apocalypse and the terminated Cold War and all the friendships that had been formed during these hardships. Even though they had been able to stop further rebellion, neither Heaven nor Hell were sure how to treat the two traitors Crowley and Aziraphale. Or humanity as a whole. They needed a plan and wanted to discuss the possibilities.

Gabriel looked up into the sunrays that travelled through the green leaves. Before the Fall in Heaven, all trees had been this tall. He felt strangely indifferent about the memory.

_I remember, too, a distant bell and stars that fell  
Like the rain out of the blue_

When Beelzebub arrived, she brought rain with her, calling Gabriel’s name. She sat down beside the Archangel and said nothing. Both just stared forward as the rain soaked their clothes. Stuck forever.

“Hard day at work?” Gabriel asked somewhen.

“You bet,” Beelzebub spat. They had managed to make their co-workers listen to them for a little time only. Now things had almost gone back to normal in regards of being pushed around and getting annoyed, much to Beelzebub’s disenchantment. It was a little condolence at least, that not everything had gone back to the status quo – the Archangel Gabriel was now with her, and he would not leave. He got along well with her friends. It was nice. She wouldn’t treat his company for any promotion or workplace improvement. Never.

Gabriel’s big wings were sopping wet, as were Beelzebub’s, but neither shielded the other. They didn’t even think about it. They just let it happen. And then, out of nowhere, Beelzebub started screaming and complained about the office, about the documents and the mess that the failed End Times had caused. Flies buzzed around her fiery head. Gabriel listened.

_When my life is through_  
_ And the angels ask me to recall_  
_ The thrill of it all_  
_ Then I will tell them I remember you_

After the rage and the rain had passed and the sun had set over California, Gabriel felt a strange sensation in Beelzebub’s radiation. He wondered if she would remember Heaven’s trees too, when she stared into the sequoias’ treetops. Or maybe she looked past the leaves and right into the stars above, he did not know. Should he ask her?

“I was just thinking what would’ve been if all of this universe had been destroyed. Or if it will be destroyed. It isn’t a nice thought.”

Gabriel took her hands and kissed them; then he straightened up to sound firmer. “The new century will soon be upon us,” he said. Beelzebub hummed. “Will it be kind?” she asked him.

“I don’t know.”

She shifted. “Will it last?”

“I don’t know,” Gabriel said again, facing her with a smile. He smiled because it felt good not to know, which in itself was very unangelic of him. Questions were unangelic. Who knew when the next War would arrive? They probably shouldn’t overthink the situation and just take it as it comes, because the thought was indeed unsettling. Beelzebub stroked Gabriel’s arm to comfort him. Then she offered him a hand. When Gabriel took it, she remembered how he had once told her that human hands were always warm. Beelzebub didn’t know about human hands, but she knew that Gabriel’s were never cold, that was a stable she could always look forward to.

When humans disturbed their togetherness with their New Year’s fireworks and wishes against demons and evils, Gabriel summoned the rain to upset them (which the forest was rather thankful for). Despite the comfort, they left the bench somewhen. Beelzebub carried Gabriel piggyback-style through the US national park, out of the forest through the desert. On their way, they had terrorized some truckers and also children who wished for snow, just for good measure.

They walked for three days straight, all the way to the beach, where the rain poured little holes into steady ocean waves. The Pacific was comforting, because it came close to what Gabriel and Beelzebub were feeling, but neither the water nor the wind washed over them. The two just watched for a while, scheming, giggling, before they went back to their offices. Lunch break would be over soon.

_Woke up to the sound of pouring rain_  
_ The wind would whisper and I’d think of you_  
_ And all the tears you cried, that called my name_  
_ And when you needed me I came through_

_I paint a picture of the days gone by_  
_ When love went blind and you would make me see_  
_ I’d stare a lifetime into your eyes_  
_ So that I knew that you were there for me_

_Time after time, you were there for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, what a journey :’) I had such fun doing this project and I’m so happy you guys enjoyed it too! Each comment and all your thoughts made my stressful days a bit brighter, just like B & Gabe themselves. All in all, I’m really pleased with how this turned out – we even cracked 30k lol!
> 
> Cheers & happy Halloween my darlings ･:*:･☆


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